


and you don't hold back (so i won't hold back)

by heykaylabeth



Series: Bits & Pieces [5]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7826845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heykaylabeth/pseuds/heykaylabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of various Tumblr prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Scars

**Author's Note:**

> I asked Tumblr for some Holtzbert prompts, and OH, DID TUMBLR DELIVER.  
> I am very excited about this.  
> I figured that it would be nice for me to have a place to put them all. So here's this. This is where I'm gonna put them all.  
> They'll vary in length! Some of them will be connected! Others won't! It's going to be a really fun time (for me, at least! Hopefully for you, too!)!  
> (And if you have a prompt to suggest, [BRING 'EM ON OVER.](http://heykaylabeth.tumblr.com/))
> 
>  
> 
> This first one is from the Bits & Pieces universe. If you haven't, I would really recommend reading [that](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7637800) and/or the [prequel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7783549), because... I think it would be confusing without having read at least one of those first!
> 
>  **Prompt:** How about a little fic dealing with Erin asking about the scars on Holtz's legs?
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warning for mentions of self harm.

They’ve been together for four months. Four months, one week, and two days. Not that Erin is counting, of course. It’s just that she’s always found a certain sort of comfort in numbers.

 

It’s a Sunday morning. She first wakes up around seven, covered in blankets and Holtz’s warm body. What begins as spooning almost always turns into this -- Erin, on her back, pushed to the very edge of the bed, Holtz sprawled out, taking up the entire rest of the bed, limbs flung over Erin’s body, face usually smooshed against Erin’s shoulder, drool and hair sticking to Erin’s skin.

 

It’s not comfortable. It’s a little gross -- the drool, anyways. But it’s Holtz. And Erin loves her.

 

But it’s too hot. Erin is sweating. Holtz is sweating. Holtz is sweating and she’s practically on top of Erin, who is also sweating, and they’re both covered in a heavy blanket, and it’s too hot. It’s October. It shouldn’t be this hot. But it’s too, too hot.

 

“Babe,” Erin grumbles, moving her shoulder, jostling Holtz’s head. But she doesn’t move. “Babe. Holtz. Move. Please. Hot.”

 

“Mm, yeah, so hot,” Holtz mumbles out, her lips barely moving, and she doesn’t move at all.

 

“No. Babe, seriously, get off.”

 

“Y’want m’to get y’off?”

 

“Not get me off. Get off of me,” Erin clarifies. Holtz grunts, but doesn’t move. Erin sighs. She’s at the very edge of the bed. She can’t slip out from under her. She’s stuck. She brings a hand -- the one that isn’t trapped between the mattress and Holtz’s body -- up towards Holtz, pushing gently at first, and then harder. Finally, Holtz lets out another grunt, and rolls off of Erin, freeing her. Erin throws the blanket off of her, rolling onto her stomach, further away from the edge of the bed, and falls back to sleep.

 

She wakes up again a little more than an hour later. The blanket has been pushed to the foot of the bed. Holtz is sprawled out on her own side of the bed, with just one arm flung across, her hand resting on Erin’s hip. Her face is pressed into the pillow. Her hair is a mess. Her mouth is wide open, a wet mark on the pillowcase beneath her. Erin smiles. She really is a fantastically unattractive sleeper. It makes Erin so happy. She was beginning to think that Holtz didn’t have a real flaw, but then she saw her when she was asleep. Except, she finds her ugly sleeping so endearing, that it almost isn’t a real flaw at all.

 

She grabs her cell phone from the nightstand, taking a picture of Holtz and immediately sending it to Patty and Abby. She does this often. Abby will occasionally print them out, hanging them in various places around the firehouse. Holtz usually burns them once she’s found them.

 

She sets her phone back on the nightstand, turning to face her sleeping girlfriend again. Except her girlfriend isn’t sleeping anymore. Her eyes are open, narrowed, looking at Erin suspiciously. 

 

“You just took a picture of me, didn’t you?” she asks.

 

“Mm, nope,” Erin shakes her head. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Fuck you,” Holtz grumbles, lifting her head from the pillow, pushing hair off of her face, wiping at the side of her mouth. Erin just smiles sweetly, moving in closer to her, pressing a kiss to her lips, which Holtz returns.

 

“You have terrible morning breath,” Holtz tells her.

 

“Yeah, you too,” Erin says.

 

“Cool. Kiss me again.”

 

She does.

 

They both rest against their pillows again, looking at each other, and Erin reaches out, playing with a long strand of Holtz’s hair. It’s a Sunday and they have nowhere to be -- assuming that there are no emergency ghost calls -- and there’s no rush or reason to leave the bed any time soon. The morning sun floods in through the window, everything is bright, Holtz’s blonde hair is practically glowing, and Erin would be perfectly content to just stay right there all day long.

 

She lazily runs her fingers up and down Holtz’s arm, just beneath the sleeve of her t-shirt, down to her elbow, and back up again. Holtz closes her eyes again, her lips pulled up into a small smile, and she sighs contentedly. Erin smiles, too. She loves this.

 

Her eyes trail down as her fingers move to Holtz’s elbow again, but her gaze lingers below that. Holtz has the knee of one leg bent and pushed out, resting against the mattress between them, and at first, Erin’s eyes fixate on the familiar blue rose tattoo on the side of her thigh, but then something else catches her attention. The bright light of the sun lands on her skin just right, and Erin notices several white lines -- horizontal and diagonal, crisscrossing, close together -- from her upper thigh down to just above her knee. She tilts her head, wondering how she’s never noticed that before, given the amount of times that she’s seen Holtz’s bare thighs.

 

They look like scars. She’s sure that they’re scars. Holtz has scars littered all over her body. It’s not surprising that there are more that Erin hasn’t discovered yet, but there seem to be  _ so many  _ of them. Right there.

 

She touches them. She doesn’t realize she’s doing it until she’s already done it. Her fingers glide over them, and she can see Holtz opening her eyes again. She looks up at her.

 

“I’ve never noticed this before,” she says softly. Holtz doesn’t respond right away. She glances down at her leg, at Erin’s fingers, and then back up.

 

“Oh. Those,” Holtz says, and it’s in that voice that Erin has come to recognize as fake-casual. When Holtz is attempting to be nonchalant about something that’s actually important to her. She’s heard her use it a few times. Enough for her to know it. She pulls her fingers away. She wants to know. She wants to know because they don’t look like the usual work-related scars. She wants to know, but only if Holtz wants her to know.

 

“It’s okay. You don’t… have to…,” Erin says. Holtz looks at her, staring straight into her eyes, doesn’t even blink for several seconds. Finally, she sighs, shifting onto her back, looking up at the ceiling, and she speaks.

 

“It was after my mom died,” she says softly, in that soft, soft voice that Erin has come to know from their most private moments, the ones where they rip off their skins, exposing themselves to one another. The moments that Erin would never share with another being. She knows that soft, soft voice. She knows it.

 

“What happened?” she asks just as softly, not pushing, just encouraging. 

 

“I wasn’t there. When she died. I went… before it happened. And, uh, I got scared. I was scared… I was trying to avoid it, I think. So I left… and um, I wasn’t there when she died. And I should have been. That’s probably the only thing in my life that I really regret. And uh, I can live with it now… But… after it happened, I… was really angry. With myself.”

 

Erin watches her, watches the way her lips move, the way she pauses, presses her lips together for a moment, runs her tongue along her bottom lip, pulls it between her teeth.

 

“Anyways. I went a little crazy one night. Fucked myself up pretty bad. I didn’t really know what I was doing…. It was like I blacked out for a little bit, and then...I came back and there was blood everywhere. Not my greatest moment,” she says, her voice returning to her normal volume towards the end, looking at Erin again. “Anyways. Yep. That’s that.”

 

But Erin is looking down at Holtz’s leg again, and she’s on her back now, Erin has to lift her head slightly in order to see, and the light doesn’t hit her skin just right anymore, they’re less noticeable, she knows they’re there now, so she still sees them, sees them on her other leg, too, and her chest feels constricted, her throat is tight, and she absolutely can’t stand the thought of Holtz being in so much emotional pain that she would cause herself physical pain, and she knew that  _ something  _ had happened when Holtz’s mom died,  _ something  _ that would make Holtz’s sister worry about her,  _ something…  _ She didn’t know it was this. 

 

She looks up at Holtz again, whose blue eyes are searching her, and a hand cups her cheek, and Holtz smiles, small and sad.

 

“Hey, don’t cry,” she nearly whispers. And Erin didn’t even realize that she was crying, but she feels it now, feels the tear rolling down her cheek.

 

“I love you,” is the only thing that she can manage to say. And then she’s practically throwing herself on top of Holtz, wrapping her arms around, burying her face in her neck. “I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.”

 

“I-- I love you, too,” Holtz says, and Erin knows that she hasn’t imagined the small break in Holtz’s voice. It only makes her hold on even tighter.

 

“You’re so--” Erin begins, her voice muffled by Holtz’s neck. “So. So beautiful and, and wonderful, you -- you. You don’t deserve to hurt. Ever. I don’t want you to ever hurt like that. Never again. I love you.”

 

Holtz doesn’t say anything. She simply wraps her arms around Erin’s waist, holding her there, and they stay like that for a while, and there are so many things that Erin wants to say, to tell her how much she matters to her, how she would do anything in the world for her to be happy, how she will never, ever let her feel that way again. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say those things. Because she doesn’t know how. Because she doesn’t need to. Because the strength of her emotions nearly scares her.

 

“I’m okay now,” Holtz finally assures her in a whisper. “It was a long time ago. But I’m okay now.”

 

“Abby was there, wasn’t she? You knew her then, right?”

 

“Yeah. Abby was there. She… she’s the one I called when it happened. She took me to the hospital. Stayed with me. Called my sister -- kind of a huge factor in my current relationship with my sister, now that I think about it. Yeah…. Abby… kind of took care of me for a while.”

 

“Good,” Erin nods. “Good. Abby’s good at that.”

 

“Yeah, she is.”

 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Erin says, finally lifting her head, looking at Holtz, and she kisses her, kisses her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, her lips again. “The idea of you not being in my life is…. god, it’s utter shit.”

 

“I agree,” Holtz smiles. “Utter shit, indeed.”

 

Erin laughs, and Holtz kisses her. 

 

“I love you so much,” Erin tells her yet again.

 

“Damn, Erin,” Holtz laughs. “If I knew that this is the response I’d get, I’d have told you this story a  _ year  _ ago.”

 

“Shut up,” she says, but she’s smiling.

 

“I love you so much, too, Erin.” 

 

Erin finally pulls herself away from her, settling down beside her once more. But her eyes gravitate down, and then she sits up. She touches Holtz’s leg, her head tilted to the side as she traces over a line, and then another line, and she can feel Holtz’s eyes on her, and she looks at her.

 

“I know, they’re… ugly,” Holtz says quietly, eyes quickly avoiding Erin’s. Erin shakes her head.

 

“No,” she says. “Nothing about you is ugly.”

 

“Well, except when I sleep,” she comments, and Erin laughs, nodding.

 

“That’s true. You’re so ugly when you sleep.”

 

They’re both laughing, Erin still resting her hand on Holtz’s thigh, Holtz still lying on her back. Erin continues to trace over the scars on Holtz’s legs, absentmindedly for a while, but when their laughter dies down, she pays attention. And then she leans down, pressing her lips to the warm skin. Does it again, just above the first spot. Again, a new spot. 

 

She presses a kiss against every scar. It takes her a while, but she does it. Every single one.

 

When she’s finally kissed the last one, she looks up to find tears steadily falling from Holtz’s face, but she’s smiling, too. She’s crying and she’s smiling, and she pulls Erin up to her, kisses her, and Erin holds her as close as she can, tells her that she loves her.

 

Erin’s phone vibrates on the nightstand. She breaks away from Holtz for a moment to grab it, leaning into her again as she opens the text message from Abby.

 

_ GOD THAT’S THE WORST ONE YET. IT’S INCREDIBLE. I’M PRINTING IT OUT RIGHT NOW. _

 

She laughs loudly, and she knows that Holtz is looking over her shoulder, seeing it all, and she looks at her and she is shaking her head.

 

“I fucking hate you,” she mumbles. But Erin just laughs, tossing her phone aside as she nuzzles into Holtz once more, who begrudgingly accepts her cuddles.

 

They’ve been together for four months, one week, and two days. 

 

Not that Erin is counting, of course. 


	2. Lease Renewal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten so many wonderful prompts, and I'm really excited about a lot of them! It's my goal to get through at least one per day, so if you have a prompt, [bring it on over](http://heykaylabeth.tumblr.com/) because oh my gosh, this is FUN.
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:** Erin asks Holtzmann to move in with her.  
>  (Bits & Pieces universe)

“Holtz. Lunch.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“This is my third time coming upstairs to get you and you’re still working. You’ve been working all morning and all afternoon. It’s time for a break. There’s food downstairs. Please come and eat it.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“And I know that you didn’t have breakfast either.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“And I’m not sure if you ate anything last night, considering that I was already asleep by the time you got there.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“You’re ignoring me.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

Erin walks closer to Holtz’s lab area, but Holtz doesn’t even seem to notice her. For the past three days, she has been on the cusp of some sort of breakthrough. Erin isn’t entirely sure what it is that she’s working on. She’s learned better than to ask before it’s done. She knows by now that Holtz prefers to have already perfected her work before presenting it and fully explaining it. She talks through it sometimes if she’s stuck, but she hasn’t seemed to have been stuck. She just won’t stop working.

 

“Holtz,” she says again, and Holtz just makes a soft noise of acknowledgement. Erin sighs. “Okay. Fine. I’ll try again in fifteen minutes.”

 

She begins to walk away, but just as she’s reached the stairs, she feels hands on her waist, and she turns, coming face to face with Holtz, who kisses her on the cheek and grins.

 

“Just had to do one more thing,” she says, then slips her hand into Erin’s as they walk down the stairs. 

 

“Does that mean you’ve finished?”

 

“Oh no. Not quite. I just reached a place where I could leave it without it blowing the place up,” she laughs.

 

“Oh. Okay. Great. I’m glad you did that.”

 

“Aw, did you wait to eat for  _ me?!” _

 

“Well, I figured that it might be the only time I get to see my girlfriend this week,” Erin says, sitting down, pushing Holtz’s sandwich across the table towards her. 

 

“Give me one more day and I’m back to being all yours, baby,” Holtz winks at her, while reaching into the pocket of her jacket, pulling out her cell phone. She looks at, eyebrows furrowing for a second.

 

“Everything okay?” Erin asks.

 

“Yeah. Just...a voicemail from my landlord,” she says, and then holds the phone to her ear. She listens for a few moments, and then laughs as she hangs up. “Whoops.”

 

“Whoops?” Erin lifts an eyebrow.

 

“Apparently, my landlord sent me something in the mail last month about renewing my lease,” Holtz shrugs, taking a bite from her sandwich, and then continuing to speak with her mouth full. “Guess I didn’t see it. But it’s up in a month, so he’s getting all impatient about me renewing.”

 

“Oh,” Erin nods. Sometimes she forgets that Holtz even has an apartment of her own. She’s almost always either at the firehouse or at Erin’s place. She doesn’t even know the last time Holtz was at her own apartment.

 

“I can’t even remember the last time I was there,” Holtz comments, apparently thinking the same thing as Erin, and then she laughs, continuing to eat.

 

Erin watches her for a few seconds, swallowing her bite of sandwich and then taking a sip from her tea. 

 

“What if you…,” she begins, and then clears her throat, letting out a soft, nervous laugh. “What if you...I don’t know… didn’t renew your lease?”

 

“Well, then my landlord would probably want somebody else to live there. He doesn’t do month-to-month,” Holtz says.

 

“Well, yeah, but, I mean…,” Erin smiles. “You know, what if you didn’t renew your lease, and then somebody else lived there?”

 

“But then I wouldn’t be able to live there.”

 

“Right,” she nods. “What if you didn’t live there?”

 

“Then I wouldn’t have anywhere to live. I’d have to find a new place--”

 

“Oh my god, Holtz,” Erin interrupts. “I’m asking if you want to move in with me.”

 

Holtz’s eyes widen slightly, and she sits up straight, staring at Erin.

 

“Really?” she asks.

 

“Yes,” Erin nods. “I mean, you practically live there anyways. And...you’re hardly ever at your own place. It’s closer to the firehouse… And… I think… it would be nice?”

 

“You want me to move in with you?”

 

“Yeah. I mean...I know, we haven’t even been together for a year yet, um, maybe it’s… is it too soon? Oh, god, it’s too soon, isn’t it? Am I freaking you out?” she asks, the pace of her words growing faster, and now she’s freaking out a little bit, but Holtz just grins, letting out a laugh, and she shakes her head.

 

“Not freaking me out at all,” she says. “You want me to move in with you.”

 

“Um. Yeah,” she nods.

 

“You want me to move in with you!”

 

She nods again.

 

“Oh my god, you  _ love me _ ,” Holtz practically sings, and then she’s standing up from her chair. “You  _ love me!  _ And you wanna  _ live with me!” _

 

She’s dancing now, moving around the table, and Erin just watches her, amused, smiling. Holtz dances up to her, wrapping her arms around her from behind, planting a kiss onto her cheek. 

 

“You love me!” she whispers dramatically into her ear.

 

“You know, I think I’ve changed my mind. Maybe living together isn’t a good idea,” Erin says. Holtz just laughs, kissing her on the cheek again, and then straightening up, walking away.

 

“I’m gonna go call my landlord,” she calls out to her. “Tell him that I will not be renewing my lease. Tell him that my girlfriend is so in love with me that she can’t stand the thought of me living anywhere other than in her apartment.”

 

“Alright. You do that,” Erin says.

 

“He’s gonna be so pissed when he sees what happened to the walls…”


	3. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Prompt:** Erin goes away for a lecture/symposium/something  & Holtzmann is all mopey around Ghostbusters HQ.

It’s seven days. Seven days. One week. That’s it. It’s fine.  _ Fine.  _ Holtz can go  _ a week _ without having Erin around. She’d gone the first thirty-two years of her life without Erin around, and that was perfectly fine. So, a week should be no problem at all.

 

“Your flight isn’t until nine. Why do you have to leave so early?” Holtz whines, holding onto Erin tightly, not letting her leave the bed.

 

“Because it’s a flight. You’re supposed to be there early.”

 

“Three hours early?”

 

“Yes. Three hours early.”

 

“Just… stay a little longer. Please. Erin. Baby. Sweetheart. Love of my life. Pumpkin...muffin. Butternut squash.”

 

“I’m flying out of JFK. I am not risking those security lines. And please don’t use gourds as terms of endearment.”

 

“Ugh,” Holtz groans, releasing her, instantly missing the heat of her body pressed against her. “Why JFK? LaGuardia is better.” 

 

“I don’t know. That’s just how it worked out. Turning the light on,” Erin warns, and Holtz closes her eyes just in time, turning her face into the pillow. She listens as Erin shuffles around the room, changing her clothes, packing up her last few things. Holtz feels the weight of the bed shift, then feels a gentle hand on her back.

 

“I’ll see you in a week,” Erin says softly. Holtz turns her head, opening one eye just a fraction, finding that the lights have been turned off, and it’s dark in the room again. She looks towards Erin, who leans in, kissing her softly.

 

“I’ll miss you, my zucchini noodle,” Holtz mumbles.

 

“Zucchini  _ noodle _ ?”

 

“Yeah, y’know...spiralizers… make noodles outta zucchini.”

 

“Okay, sure,” Erin laughs. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too. Stay outta trouble. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

 

“And what  _ wouldn’t  _ you do?”

 

“Fair point.”

  
  


**day one.**

Holtz makes her way to the firehouse by herself. It’s fine. She does it sometimes when she heads in earlier than Erin, usually when she’s anxious to work on a project. She listens to music. She hasn’t done that on her commute in a while. She usually just talks to Erin.

 

She works. She stays busy. Patty, Abby, and Kevin are good company.

 

She goes home.

 

She calls Erin. But the conversation isn’t long because Erin’s voice keeps breaking up, and she has terrible signal there, maybe they should try tomorrow when she has more bars?

 

She'd lived by herself for most of her adult life before she started dating Erin, so the silence and empty apartment shouldn’t feel new to her. Just because it’s been a while since she’s spent a night alone, it shouldn’t make that much of a difference.

 

She can’t fall asleep because she’s used to Erin beside her, she’s used to her body and her heat and her breathing, and the whole balance of the bed is off, and she can’t fall asleep, but she finally does, and she wakes up before her alarm, unrested and cranky.

 

**day two.**

Holtz sits at her table in her lab, head propped up in her hand, and she’s got some stuff scattered out in front of her, she’s got a tool in her other hand, but nothing seems to be coming together, and it’s all so  _ pointless _ . She sighs heavily.

 

“I think Holtzmann is broken,” Kevin says to Patty.

 

“You’re being ridiculous,” Patty tells her. “She’s been gone  _ a day. _ ”

 

“It’s been thirty-two hours, Patty,” Holtz says. “Be a little more sensitive, would ya?”

 

“Look, the week will be over before you know it. You can’t mope around the whole time, though. Enjoy your alone time! Eat food that Erin doesn’t like! Watch movies that Erin doesn’t like! Pee with the bathroom door open!”

 

Holtz just groans, dropping her head onto the table.

 

“I already pee with the bathroom door open, and Erin doesn’t mind because she’s perfect and I miss her!”

 

“Girl,” Patty scoffs, shaking her head. “I don’t even know who you are right now.”

 

**day three.**

It’s better. Erin calls her in the morning -- better signal this time. They talk. They talk for such a long time that when she hangs up, Holtz finds herself with less than fifteen minutes left before she’s usually at the firehouse. She’s still in her pajamas, her hair down, not even slightly ready to leave.

 

She throws on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, puts her hair up into a simple ponytail, and leaves, arriving only five minutes later than usual.

 

“Who are you?” Kevin asks when she walks in, but then he processes it. “Oh. You look weird.”

 

“Thanks, Kev!” Holtz smiles.

 

She’s in a good mood. It’s fine. It’s fine.

 

**day four.**

Holtz listens to “Without You” from the  _ Rent  _ cast recording on repeat for five hours straight. Loudly.

 

Abby sits downstairs, her fingers at her temples, eyes wide and staring at Patty who is as equally exasperated.

 

“How many times is she gonna play this song?”

 

“I think it might be all day,” Abby says. Patty drops her head onto her arms atop the table.

 

“How many days do we have left of this?”

 

“We’re only halfway there.”

 

“Life goes  _ on.  _ But I’m  _ go-o-o-o-one,”  _ Kevin sings along softly as he passes by them. “‘Cause I  _ diiiie,  _ without  _ yooooou.” _

 

“You know this song, Kev?” Patty asks with her eyebrows raised.

 

“Just learned it today!” he grins, walking away. Patty shakes her head.

 

“You know, it’s a good thing that I’m not worried about those two ever breaking up. Because I really don’t think that we could survive that,” Patty comments, and Abby laughs, nodding in agreement.

 

Suddenly, the music shuts off. Abby gasps, lifting her head from her hands, looking hopefully up towards the second floor.

 

“Oh my god, is it over?” Patty asks. They both sit in silence for a moment, but the silence is soon interrupted by the opening notes of a new song and Abby groans loudly.

 

"Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!”

 

“What? What is it now? Is it more showtunes? I don’t know how much more showtunes I can deal with today!”

 

“It’s motherfuking Les Mis! Seriously?! Seriously, Holtzmann?!” she calls up to the ceiling, although she’s drowned out by the slow, sad singing above her.

 

Patty shakes her head, standing up from her chair, beginning to stride towards the staircase.

 

“Nope. Nope. We’re not doing this. We’re not doing this for another three days. This is ending.”

 

“Patty, wait!” Abby warns. “She has very dangerous equipment up there! She’s moody and listening to musical theatre ballads! I really don’t think you should risk your life!”

 

“Oh, come on, what is she gonna do to me?” Patty asks with a laugh, continuing up the stairs. Abby watches her leave and then glances at her watch, counting the seconds.

 

Fourty-eight seconds later, Patty is yelling, running back down the stairs, and the music is turned up even louder.

 

“Jesus christ, that girl is scary!” Patty screams. Abby just gives her a knowing look.

 

“Told ya.”

 

**day five.**

Holtz wears Erin’s hoodie. It smells like her, and she was beginning to forget her scent.

 

She’s actually starting to get used to Erin’s absence. When she wakes up that morning, she doesn’t turn to the other side of the bed expecting to see her there. She just rolls out of her side and gets ready, pulling on Erin’s hoodie and breathing in the scent.

 

Patty and Abby both give her suspicious looks. She isn’t sure if it’s because they are gauging her mood or if it’s because of the hoodie -- she’s not really much of a hoodie-wearer as it is, and it is obviously Erin’s hoodie. But it’s Erin’s hoodie and it smells like Erin and she plans to wear it all day.

 

Everything is fine until she comes downstairs to have lunch with Abby and Patty, and she leans back in her chair, shoving her hands into the pockets of Erin’s hoodie, and then she pulls one hand back out, a crumpled-up tissue in her grasp. She holds it up, frowning slightly.

 

“Ew,” Abby comments. “What is that?”

 

“She always does this,” Holtz says with a wistful sigh. “Just puts tissues in her pockets. It’s so gross.  _ I miss her so much.” _

 

“Okay, that’s nasty. Holtzy, throw that old used up tissue away right now,” Patty demands. 

 

Holtz sighs again, and does as she’s told, throwing the tissue into the trash, and then slumping back down in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest, a pout settling itself over her face. Abby and Patty glance at each other, both of them shaking their heads.

  
  


**day six.**

Holtz rummages through the dumpster, finding pieces and parts and throwing them into a pile on the ground. It’s been a while since she’s gone rummaging like this. She’s forgotten how thrilling it is.

 

She’s just found a fantastic metal pipe, victoriously throwing her hands into the air when she first hears it. It’s just a tiny squeak. Barely noticeable. She thinks it might be a rat or something. She thinks nothing of it.

 

But then she hears it again, slightly louder this time. And it’s definitely not the sound of a rat.

 

She looks around, spotting a pile of stuff on the ground beside the dumpster. There are boxes and crates, an abundance of broken glass, a ratty old desk chair, a large fish tank turned upside down. Holtz moves closer, hearing the noise again.

 

And the she sees it.

 

She gasps, dropping her metal pipe to the ground and rushing forwards.

 

“Hey there, little buddy!”

  
  


**day seven.**

Erin heaves her suitcase up the stairs to her fourth-floor walk-up apartment, breathing heavily and sweating profusely. Almost there. Just a few more steps.

 

She catches her breath and reaches towards the door handle. She doesn’t know if Holtz is home, so she doesn’t know if it’s locked or not. She’s not really sure which pocket of which bag her key is in, so she’s relieved when the door opens.

 

It’s quiet and the living room is dark. Light floods out from the bedroom, though, and Erin simply drops her bags in front of the door. She’ll take care of them later.

 

She walks towards the bedroom, but freezes in the doorway, her eyes widening. She’s about to say something, but Holtz brings a finger to her own lips, shaking her head, and Erin stands there with her mouth open, processing the sight in front of her.

 

“Jillian,” she finally says, her voice soft but pointed, using her girlfriend's first name, which she so rarely does. “Why is there a cat sleeping on top of you right now?”

 

“Well, you see, it’s kind of a long story,” Holtz answers.

 

“I go away for a week and I come back and you’ve gotten a cat?”

 

“I didn’t  _ get _ her. I found her!” she says, and the tiny black ball of fuzz atop her stomach suddenly stretches itself out, tiny paws grasping at air, and Holtz smiles down at it fondly. “She was by the dumpster and she was scared and alone and hurt. I couldn’t just leave her!”

 

Erin takes a few steps closer, noticing the bandage wrapped around the kitten’s back leg.

 

“What happened?” she asks, sitting down at the edge of the bed.

 

“Not sure. She was missing a bunch of fur and she was a little bloodied. Might have been another animal… I took her to the vet and they patched her up...said she should be fine.”

 

Erin looks at the two of them, and she fights to keep herself from smiling.

 

“I don’t even think pets are allowed here,” she says, but Holtz just pouts at her, and then she’s grabbing for the kitten, gently picking up up from beneath its front legs. It makes a tiny squeak, waking up, and then Holtz is holding it, facing it towards Erin.

 

“ _ Please _ ,” she says in a high pitched voice. “ _ Please  _ be my new mommy! My other mommy  _ promises  _ to scoop the litter twice a day and feed me regularly, and I will love you and cuddle you.  _ Please  _ be my new mommy. I have nowhere else to go!”

 

Erin looks at the cat, its black fur with white markings around its eyes, a tuft of white on its neck and chest, and its blue-grey eyes. Holtz is looking at her with pleading eyes, and Erin knows that she’s already lost. She knows it, but when the kitten meows at her -- small and high pitched, barely more than a squeak -- and she involuntarily lets out a small whimper of her own over how  _ freaking cute  _ it is, there’s no pretending that they’re not keeping the kitten.

 

She doesn’t even have to say anything. Holtz grins, pulling the kitten back towards her, cradling it against her chest.

 

“You see, Ruth? I told you she’d fall in love with you,” she says happily to the cat.

 

“Ruth?” Erin asks, and she moves so that she’s sitting directly beside Holtz, kicking her shoes off of her feet. “That’s her name?”

 

“Yep. I named her after Ruth Bader Ginsburg.”

 

“Oh,” Erin laughs. “Um. Why?”

 

“Because  _ look at her!”  _ Holtz says, holding the kitten up again. “The resemblance is uncanny!”

 

“Um,” Erin continues to laugh.

 

“I mean, first of all, she’s so  _ teeny-tiny!”  _ she explains, using her high-pitched voice again. “Also, look at her eyes. And look at her glasses. She’s totally wearing glasses.”

 

Erin tilts her head, looking at the white marks around Ruth’s eyes. They do look like glasses.

 

“And look! Her lacy white collar,” she says, referring to the tuft of white on her neck and chest. Erin giggles, nodding.

 

“Also, I’m her mother now, so that makes her Jewish.”

 

“Of course,” she agrees.

 

“And!  _ And! _ You know where I found her?”

 

“At the dumpster?”

 

“Yeah, but  _ specifically.” _

 

“Where?”

 

“She was trapped under a fish tank. Erin. She had a  _ literal glass ceiling  _ to break through,” she says, and then she begins to laugh, gasping out words through her laughter. “A glass! Glass ceiling! Get it?  _ Get it?!” _

 

“I get it,” Erin laughs, bringing a finger to lightly pet Ruth’s head, right between her ears. She smiles. “She  _ is  _ really cute.”

 

“I know, she’s the  _ cutest little baby kitty.  _ Aren’t you, Ruthie?! Yes, you are!”

 

Erin leans her head against Holtz’s shoulder. Holtz turns her head, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

 

“I’m glad you’re home.”

 

“Me too,” she agrees.

 

“So is Ruth. I’ve told her a lot about you already.”

 

“Oh, yeah? Good things?”

 

“Terrible things.”

 

“Don’t listen to her, Ruth,” Erin says. “I’m going to be your favourite mom, got it?”

 

“Yeah, right,” Holtz scoffs, resting her head on top of Erin’s. Erin continues to pet Ruth’s head, her soft and gentle purring filling the silence. 

 

She’s glad to be home.

 

“Welcome to the family, Ruth Gilbert-Holtzmann.”

  
  


**day eight.**

When Erin walks into the firehouse, something slams into her side. And something else slams into her other side. And arms are wrapping around her, and it takes her several seconds to realize that she is being hugged from all angles, Patty and Abby and Kevin encircling her.

 

“You’re back! You’re back!”

 

“Oh, thank god. I’m so happy to see you!”

 

“Finally!”

 

“What-- what,” Erin stammers. 

 

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Abby says, and she sounds as if she is nearly crying, pressing her face into Erin’s shoulder. “Never leave us again.”

 

“Never leave us with  _ her _ again,” Patty clarifies.

 

“Oh, come on, guys. It wasn’t  _ that _ bad,” Holtz calls from outside the group hug.

 

“Never. Never.  _ Never again!” _


	4. Weepy Wine Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I combined two prompts into this one!
> 
> **Prompt 1:** Erin talks to Abby about how much she is in love w/Holtz (kinda in the same way Holtz talked to Patty just not high).
> 
> **Prompt 2:** Patty  & Abby discuss how cute Holtzbert are.
> 
> And to the lovely anonymous prompter... I know you said "not high", but you didn't specify sober... sooo.... I'm sorry. I can't resist a good weepy wine drunk.

It’s supposed to be an evening specifically for “Abby and Erin Time”. That was the plan. That was what they had agreed upon.

 

So Abby isn’t entirely sure how it has turned into this: Erin, finishing her third glass of white wine, tears streaming down her face as she babbles out some more incoherent things about Jillian Holtzmann.

 

On the one hand, Abby should have remembered how weepy Erin gets when she drinks white wine. There was that one night in college with the bottle of moscato that turned into a night of tears and vomit. But on the other hand, that was  _ ages  _ ago, and how was she supposed to remember? 

 

And honestly, it’s Erin and Holtz’s fault, anyways.

 

Erin, Holtz, Abby, and Patty had been out after a rough day of ghost busts -- the kind of day that required greasy bar food and several glasses of beer. Erin and Holtz did not look away from each other  _ once.  _ It was almost like they  _ forgot _ that Abby and Patty even  _ existed.  _

 

“Wow. Sure is nice for us to all hang out as a group,” Patty commented, rolling her eyes.

 

“Yeah. It’s been a while since the  _ four of us _ had some fun,” Abby added. 

 

Erin was too busy stealing the black olives from Holtz’s nachos to hear them, and Holtz was too busy watching her eat the black olives to hear them.

 

“Man, at least when they were keeping it a secret, they still talked to us,” Patty shook her head.

 

“Even the first couple weeks after they told us!” Abby said. It had been a little less than a month since Erin and Holtz had finally come clean about their relationship. At first, it was almost like nothing had changed at all. But then they seemed to get more and more comfortable with Being In a Relationship Around Abby and Patty. It was never huge amounts of PDA -- at the very most, they would quickly kiss each other, and that was about it. Instead, it was the heart-eyed, gooey, sappy, non-stop smiling, can’t-take-their-eyes-off-each-other and ignore-everyone-else-in-the-room sort of stuff.

 

It was insufferable. 

 

“Hey!” Patty shouted, clapping her hands in front of her, and Erin and Holtz both jumped, looking across their booth with startled expressions, and Abby snorted.

 

“Yeah!” Patty nodded. “We’re still here.”

 

“Whaaaat?” Holtz said.

 

“You two gotta stop acting like you’re the only ones in your little universe,” Patty told them. Holtz tilted her head to the side. “When was the last time that you hung out with somebody other than each other?”

 

“We’re hanging out with you guys right now,” Erin laughed nervously.

 

“Are you?” Abby asked.

 

And that was how it happened. Patty set the rules. One night without each other. Get back to reality for a little bit. Spend some time with other people. Patty took Holtz. Abby got Erin.

 

It was simple enough. A bottle of wine and a movie. Just like the good old days.

 

And it was fun. They were having fun! So much fun that they needed to open a second bottle of wine.

 

And then the tears started.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Abby asked her, but Erin just shook her head, waving her hands in front of her face.

 

“I don’t know,” she squeaked out.

 

It was around then that Abby remember Moscato Night in college.

 

“Well, what… what are you thinking about? What’s got you all weepy?”

 

“Holtz,” she answered simply, and then she began to sob.  _ Actually  _ sob. “I just. I’m. Abby. I-- I-- I’m in love with her!”

 

And that’s where they’re at now, and Abby sighs, downing her own glass of wine and then refilling it. If she’s gotta deal with this, mama’s gonna need some more juice.

 

“Alright,” she says. “Let’s talk about it.”

 

“I’m in love with her!” Erin says again, wiping at one cheek with the back of her hand.

 

“Well, it’s a good thing that you’re dating her,” she offers, but Erin shakes her head. “No? It’s not a good thing?”

 

“No, it’s a good thing!” she cries.

 

“So then, why are we crying? Huh?”

 

“I don’t know!”

 

“Okay,” Abby says, and watches at Erin buries her face in her hands, her body shaking as she cries. Abby reaches out, rubs her back gently. “It’s okay. Everything is… going to be okay?”

 

“I’m in love with her,” Erin’s muffled voice emerges from behind her hands.

 

‘Uh-huh. We’ve established that,” Abby nods. “But now we gotta figure out why you’re crying.”

 

“She’s-- just-- so-- I-- she’s--”

 

“Okay. Use your words.”

 

Erin wipes at her face again, sniffling, and she looks up at Abby with her wet eyes. 

 

“I’ve never been in love before,” she says. “And it’s really-- it’s really-- Feelings! I have so many feelings! And emotions!”

 

“Feelings and emotions, huh?” Abby laughs.

 

“It’s just like...I’m scared of what bad thing is going to happen.”

 

“Bad thing? Erin, why do you think a bad thing is going to happen?”

 

“Because I’ve never been this happy and something bad has to happen soon,” she says with a great sniffle, hands coming up to wipe her cheeks again.

 

“Well, that’s not true,” Abby tells her.

 

“Yeah, it is!” she nods. “I almost got tenure, and then I lost my job! Then things were going good again, and my mom died! And now I’m with Holtz, I’m with her and I’m in love with her and I’m happy and, and, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but something has to happen because something always happens!”

 

“Oh, sweetie,” Abby sighs, and now she understands the tears. She rubs circles along Erin’s back. “You’re allowed to be happy, and that doesn’t mean that something bad is going to happen. Just because that’s how it’s worked out in the past… doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen this time.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Well, I don’t know for sure. But you know what I  _ do  _ know?”

 

“What?”

 

“I know that Holtzmann is also really in love with you. And that you two make an excellent couple.”

 

It’s supposed to make Erin smile. That was the goal. Instead, it makes her cry even more.

 

“Okay,” Abby sighs. “Didn’t see that coming.”

 

“I’m so in love with her,” she sobs. “I just want to look at her all the time. She has such a nice face. Have you seen her face?!”

 

“I think I’ve seen it, yeah,” she nods.

 

“The best face. God! Her fucking face! It’s my favourite face!”

 

“Wow.”

 

“Everything about her is just so perfect! Her face! Is perfect! Her ass! Is perfect! Her hands --  _ oh my god, her hands.” _

 

“You know, maybe we...don’t talk about her hands? I feel like this might veer off in a direction that I  _ really  _ don’t wanna go.”

 

“Abby,” Erin says, and her sobbing has stopped, but her eyes are still red and watery. “Abby. The sex is so good.”

 

“And  _ that’s  _ the direction that I didn’t wanna go.”

 

“You know, I’ve slept with plenty of men, and it was always  _ fine _ ,” Erin says, and she’s picked up her wine glass again, putting it to her lips and tilting it back only to find that it’s empty, She grunts, and sets it back down, and then continues to speak. “It was  _ fine.  _ They were  _ fine.  _ But  _ this. Her.  _ She...is…”

 

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Erin. I don’t need to know how good Holtzmann is in bed. I don’t need to know it.”

 

“But Abby,” she says. “Do you know how many times she made me--”

 

“Nope!” Abby interrupts, covering her ears with her hands, shaking her head.

 

“Okay, okay,” Erin laughs. She laughs. She’s no longer crying. Abby uncovers her ears. Erin smiles. She smiles, and her face is so red, and she is so drunk, and Abby is also pretty tipsy, and she can’t help but begin to giggle. 

 

“I feel like we’re in college again,” she laughs, and then Erin is laughing, too, and then Erin is moving forward, wrapping her arms clumsily around Abby in an awkward sitting-hug.

 

“I’m so glad I have you back in my life,” Erin says.

 

“Me too,” Abby agrees, returning the hug. And she doesn’t even have to look at Erin to know that she’s crying  _ again. _

 

“You’re so important to me.”

 

“You too,” Abby agrees. 

 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so preoccupied with Holtz. I just really love her. I didn’t even realize that I was falling in love with her until it happened. And then it happened. And. I love her, Abby.”

 

“I know you do,” Abby says. “It’s okay. You can be preoccupied with her. I like seeing you both so happy.”

 

Erin ends up passing out of the sofa not much later. 

 

When they’re all at the firehouse again, Erin and Holtz are laughing about something, standing side-by-side as Holtz talks, gesturing wildly with her hands. Abby watches them for a moment and then looks at Patty.

 

“She talk about Holtzy all night long?” Patty asks. Abby nods.

 

“Did she talk about Erin all night?”

 

“Would not shut up about her,” Patty laughs. 

 

“Oh, they’re in love,” Abby says. Patty nods.

 

“This whole thing -- the teenage girl obsession with each other? Ignoring the rest of the world? It’ll pass,” she says. “We just have to be patient.”

 

“It’s kind of sweet, though. Look at how happy they are.”

 

“Yeah,” Patty smiles and nods. She looks back at Abby. “Are you crying?”

 

“What? No!” she lies, shaking her head. “I’m just-- allergies!”

 

“Uh-huh….”

 

“I’m just really happy for them, okay?!” she insists. “Dammit! I haven’t even been drinking!”

 

“You okay?”

 

“I just love them both so much, you know? I’ve known them both for such a long time and I’ve seen them go through things, and they’re so good together and they make each other so happy, and they both deserve to be happy, and I love them both so much!”

 

“Listen. I haven’t known them as long as you have, but I’ve gotten to know them well, and they’re important to me. Seeing them together… yeah. It’s right. They’re cute as hell.”

 

“They’re  _ so  _ cute,” Abby agrees.

 

“It’s kind of annoying how cute they are.”

 

“It really is. I kind of hate them.”

 

“Yeah. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I am still taking prompts! I have quite a few to get through and it'll take me a while, but I'm having a lot of fun (and writing is really great way to pass the time on my train ride to and from work) so I will keep taking them as long as you all want to give them! 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I'm about to get really sentimental for a moment (and if I had been drinking wine, yes, I would probably start crying) but I just want to say that it's really incredible to me that people read what I write at all, and I honestly wasn't expecting to receive any prompts at all, so to have gotten as many as I have, I am just...so absolutely thrilled and flabbergasted. And I have been sort of out of the fandom game for a long time, so getting into this fandom is me getting back into fandom in general, and even in the past when I was involved in other fandoms, I never really felt like I was PART of them, more like I was sort of just on the sidelines, and this is probably the first time I've ever actually felt like I'm part of a fandom and??? It's fun. I'm having fun and people are so nice to me and everybody is just so nice and I'm a little overwhelmed and my cat is pushing my hand off the keyboard with his head so I think he's like "Mom shut up nobody cares" so I'm just gonna listen to him and shut up now. Um. But. YEAH. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE, BASICALLY IS WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. I'M A DISASTER.


	5. Aunt Erin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this up yesterday, but it ended up being a lot longer than I had anticipated, so I hope you'll forgive me for taking an extra day!  
> On that note, if you follow me on Tumblr, then you probably already know that I'm moving soon. Next week. It's just literally two streets over from my current apartment, so it's not a huge thing, but I'm going to be very busy with the whole moving process these next few days, and then I might be without internet for a day or two. I'll probably be able to post AT LEAST once more before all that, but yeah, I will be gone for a couple of days while I do that. Just so you all know and aren't wondering why I'm not posting! So, yeah, that's all!
> 
>    
> Prompt is from [lil-peanutt](http://lil-peanutt.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!  
>  **Prompt:** Erin spends some time alone with Lydia and/or Charlie.

The thing is, Erin notices Kevin staring at Holtz’s sister. She does notice it. It isn’t subtle. But she doesn’t think much of it because it’s Kevin. It’s when Karen brings her two kids into the city because it’s Charlie’s tenth birthday and she’s taking him to the Natural History Museum and the New York Hall of Science, and they come to the firehouse, and Erin notices Kevin staring at Karen. She does notice it. It isn’t subtle. But she doesn’t think much of it because it’s Kevin.

 

But three weeks later when Kevin comes upstairs and sheepishly asks Holtz if it would be okay for him to ask her sister out on a date, it all makes sense.

 

Holtz stares at him for a long time, her mouth slightly opened, a rare moment of pure speechlessness. Erin places a hand on Holtz’s shoulder and looks at Kevin, standing there with his hands pushed into his pockets, waiting for some sort of answer.

 

“Kevin, you know that she lives in Pennsylvania, right?” Erin asks him gently.

 

“Oh, yeah, I know! I thought that through! It can be a day date during the weekend,” he explains. “So she can come and you guys can watch her kids and then when it’s done, there’s no pressure for her to stay the night or anything and she can just go home.”

 

It’s surprisingly well thought-out, all things considered. Holtz still hasn’t closed her mouth or stopped staring or made any sort of noise.

 

“Um. Kevin?” Erin says to him. “Maybe give us a little bit to talk it over?”

 

“Okay,” he nods, but doesn’t move.

 

“Oh. I mean like...a day. Give us a day,” she clarifies.

 

“Oh. Okay!”

 

*

 

“It’s actually kind of sweet that he asked for your permission,” Erin says to Holtz later when they’re at home, and she’s sitting on the sofa, one of their cats curled up in her lap, and she pets her absentmindedly.

 

“It is,” Holtz agrees, dropping down onto the sofa and leaning into Erin, hand automatically moving to the cat. “But… Kevin? And my sister? It’s… what am I supposed to do?”

 

“Do you not want him to ask her out? If you don’t want him to ask her out, then just tell him,” Erin says.

 

“But…,” Holtz begins, frowning. “He thought out the whole thing. Kevin thought something out! And it’s...sweet. He’s sweet. He’s a sweet guy.”

 

“Mmhm,” Erin nods in agreement.

 

“But it’s Kevin!”

 

“It is Kevin.”

 

“He’s not the most...intellectual person ever, but… neither were Karen’s last few boyfriends, and at least Kevin isn’t an asshole.”

 

“You know what we need?” Erin asks, and at the same time that she yells out “Pros and cons list!”, Holtz is also yelling “ _ Not _ a pros and cons list!”

 

But Erin is already standing, dropping the cat from her lap onto Holtz, and then rushing towards the kitchen to grab the small, magnetic whiteboard from the refrigerator, ignoring Holtz’s whine of protest and wiping away a doodle from the board with her sleeve.

 

When she returns, Holtz is face-down on the sofa, sprawled out with both of their cats on her backside.

 

“I’ve been compromised,” she says, her voice muffled by the sofa cushion. “Ruth and Sonia have taken me hostage. I can’t participate in list-making.”

 

“You can still speak so you can still participate,” Erin assures her, pushing Holtz’s feet off of a cushion so that she can sit down. Holtz’s feet come to rest on her lap. “I don’t understand why you are so against pros and cons lists. They’re very helpful.”

 

“It’s mostly just because of how much you love them,” Holtz admits. “I do it just to spite you.”

 

“I knew it,” Erin whispers. “Let’s begin with pros.”

 

Holtz lets out a long groan and she waves one arm out in a sort of shrug.

 

“I dunno, he’s sweet?”

 

“Okay,” Erin nods, writing it down.

 

“Yeah. He’s a nice guy. And not like a  _ nice guy  _ nice guy, but a genuinely nice person…. Um. He’s good with kids -- because he basically  _ is  _ a kid… He’s a surprisingly good cook.”

 

“Okay. Anything else?” Erin asks as she finishes writing ‘good cook’ beneath ‘pros’.

 

“Uhhh. Oh! Both of their names start with the letter K?  _ Kevin and Karen.  _ Does that count as a pro?”

 

“No. Move on to cons.”

 

“Long distance,” Holtz says. “If he hurts her, I’ll be mad at him. If  _ she  _ hurts  _ him,  _ I’ll be mad at  _ her. _ ”

 

“Mmhm.”

 

“I don’t know. Oh! You know, maybe I should just  _ call  _ Karen and ask her if she’s interested in dating him.”

 

“Oh. Yeah. That’s an idea.”

 

“Can you take the cats off of me so I can get up?”

 

*

 

Karen accepts the date with Kevin. She laughs a lot on the phone when Holtz calls her, laughs so much that Holtz pulls the phone away from her ear for at least a minute, but she accepts because “I mean… okay? Why not?”

 

Holtz gives Kevin permission to ask Karen on a date. He asks her through email -- which he has mastered over the past couple of years -- and she says yes.

 

Karen comes to Holtz and Erin’s apartment on Saturday morning with her two kids to drop them off for the day. Charlie and Lydia both hug Holtz hello, politely greet Erin, and then immediately go to play with the cats.

 

It isn’t long after Karen leaves that Holtz’s phone buzzes and she looks at it and then answers it.

 

“Hey, Patty,” she says into the phone, and Erin can hear the sound of Patty’s voice, watches Holtz’s facial expressions change, she says a few things, and then hangs up, looking at Erin with a frown.

 

“Ghost emergency,” she says imply. “She says they don’t need both of us, but they need at least one of us.”

 

“Can we go?!” Charlie asks with a gasp.

 

“Hey, you know--” Holtz begins, but Erin cuts her off.

 

“No, it is very dangerous!”

 

“But I wanna be a ghostbuster!”

 

“Yeah!” Lydia agrees. “I wanna be a ghostbuster too!”

 

“Okay, you guys can both be ghostbusters when you’re old enough. But not today,” Holtz tells them.

 

“Awwww,” they cry in unison.

 

“Okay, well,” Erin says, ready to head out to deal with it. “I can go. It’s fine.”

 

“You sure?” she asks, but then she seems to remember something. “Wait! The new equipment! I built new stuff, it hasn’t been-- we haven’t used it yet, and…”

 

“Right,” Erin says. “You have to go.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Erin quickly glances over at the two kids, still happily playing with the cats. She looks back at Holtz.

 

“But what about-- I mean, I don’t-- What am I supposed to--” she stammers, and she’s already starting to panic because she’s never been alone with Holtz’s niece and nephew before. She hasn’t spent very much time alone with children at all. 

 

“What are you supposed to do with them?” Holtz laughs.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Just hang out with them,” she shrugs. 

 

“Holtz! I’m not-- I’m not good with kids! I don’t particularly care for them -- I mean,  _ them,  _ these particular kids are fine, but I don’t know how to… how to  _ hang out  _ with kids!”

 

“Erin, relax,” she laughs again, and Erin hates how nonchalant she’s being about the whole situation. These are  _ children  _ and Erin knows nothing about children. Even when she  _ was  _ a child, she didn’t particularly understand children. “It’s just Charlie and Lydia. You know them. It’ll be fine.”

 

“What do I do with them? Do we just stay here? We can’t just stay here, can we? It’s so boring here for kids, probably! Holtz, what do I do with them?!” she begs.

 

Holtz sighs, reaching towards Erin and places her hands on her shoulders, holding her in front of her.

 

“Erin. My sweet Erin. Beautiful, sweet Erin. I believe in you and I trust that you will not let harm or death come to these two children who share my blood.”

 

“Oh, god,” Erin whimpers. She had only been worried about them being  _ bored.  _ She hadn’t even thought of  _ harm or death.  _

 

“You will be fine. But I should probably leave now.”

 

“Okay,” she squeaks out. Holtz kisses her, calls out a goodbye to the kids, telling them to be on their worst behaviour for Erin, and then leaves. 

 

She takes a breath, looking over, and Charlie is waving a cat toy around while Sonia jumps after it and Lydia is sitting beside Ruth, petting her. Erin sits down on the sofa, forcing a smile onto her face. Lydia looks over at her.

 

“Erin?” she asks.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Why does Ruth only have three legs?”

 

“Oh. Well, um. She got hurt when she was a kitten. She got hurt, and then it got infected, and the vet had to amputate her leg.”

 

“Amputate?” Lydia repeats.

 

“It means they cut it off,” Charlie supplies, and Lydia’s eyes widen and she looks at Erin.

 

“ _ Really?!”  _ she whispers, and for a fleeting second, she almost looks like a miniature Holtz with her bright blue eyes and dramatic expression, even though her hair is dark, her face resembles her aunt’s, and Erin almost laughs, but holds it in.

 

“Yes, but it’s okay!” she assures her. “Amputating it stopped the infection from going any further!”

 

“Further to where?”

 

“Well, um. To the rest of her body.”

 

“What would have happened if it went to the rest of her body?”

 

“Um,” Erin says, and she looks at Lydia, then glances at Charlie who is staring at her with an amused expression, and then back at Lydia who is waiting for an answer. “She would have died.”

 

Lydia gasps, and her lower lip begins to tremble, and suddenly her blue eyes are swimming with tears, and Erin has successfully made a child cry within ten minutes of being alone with her.

 

“Oh, no, no, no, it’s okay!” she rushes out. “It’s okay because she didn’t die!”

 

“But she could have!” Lydia exclaims, throwing herself on the floor beside the cat, grabbing her and holding her close to her.

 

“But she didn’t!”

 

“But she could have!” Lydia says again.

 

“You shouldn’t have told her that,” Charlie laughs, and Erin looks over at him.

 

“What was I supposed to say?” she asks.

 

“I dunno,” he shrugs. “But not that.”

 

“Oh, god,” Erin mutters to herself. She really is not cut out for this. She doesn’t know how to be around children, but she really wants  _ these _ children to like her because they are Holtz’s niece and nephew and it’s important to Erin that they like her, but she has no idea how to get them to like her, and she’s already made the little one cry, and she is  _ so _ not cut out for this.

 

She doesn’t cry for long, though. She seems to realize that Ruth is just fine and no longer in danger of dying, and Erin breathes a sigh of relief.

 

But the relief only lasts a few seconds because she knows that the kids are bound to be tired of playing with the cats soon, and she has no idea what she is supposed to do with them. She pulls out her phone, googling ‘ _ things to do with kids nyc’  _ and hastily looks through the results. The thought of going outside with them makes her nervous, but the thought of staying inside with them and boring them and having them hate her makes her even more nervous.

 

She scrolls through the search results but dislikes all of the options. The panic is settling in and she does not know what to do, and why hadn’t Holtz planned anything in advance? They  _ knew  _ that the kids were coming today. And admittedly, Holtz is good at figuring out spontaneous activities, and it wasn’t like she  _ knew  _ she’d have to leave, but Erin is not good without a plan, and she does not know what to do.

 

“So, uh… what do you guys, um, like to do?” Erin asks them. They both shrug.

 

“I don’t know,” Lydia answers.

 

“Well, what do you guys usually do on Saturdays?”

 

“Watch TV. Play video games. Play outside…,” Charlie says. It’s no help. Erin looks at their television -- they don’t have cable or hardly any movies that kids would enjoy, and they certainly don’t have any video games. She doesn’t think it will be of any use.

 

“I’m bored,” Lydia announces, and Erin is sweating, and they think she’s boring and she doesn’t know what to do.

 

“What do you want to do?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

It’s no help. It’s no help at all. She glances out the window. It’s a nice day outside. They could go outside. It makes her nervous, but it has to be better than just sitting inside. They could go outside. And then what?

 

“Do you want to go to Central Park?” she offers, and Lydia perks up, smiling, showing off her two missing teeth.

 

“A park?!”

 

“Can we feed ducks?” Charlie asks.

 

“Yeah! Sure! We can totally feed ducks!” Erin says.

 

“Yeah!” Lydia exclaims, jumping to her feet and throwing her arms in the air. “Let’s go!”

 

“Okay! Yeah! Great! Let’s go!” Erin agrees.

 

It only takes them a few minutes before they’re heading out the door, Charlie holding a small plastic bag of bread slices to feed to the ducks.

 

“Okay, we just have to take the train a few stops - oh, shoot, my MetroCard is unlimited, so I’ll have to get another one for you guys, but that’s okay,” Erin rambles as they walk along the sidewalk. They’re about to step off the curb when a small hand taps Erin on the arm. She looks down.

 

“I’m supposed to hold a hand when crossing,” Lydia tells her.

 

“Oh! Oh. Right. Yeah. Okay,” Erin nods, and holds out her hand. Lydia takes it, grabbing on. Erin looks at Charlie. “Um… are you…?”

 

“I’m  _ ten _ , Erin. I can cross the street on my own.”

 

“Right,” she laughs.

 

They cross the street and make it to the subway stop, going down the stairs, and Erin steers them towards a MetroCard vending machine.

 

“Ooh, can I do it, can I do it?!” Lydia begs.

 

“Sure,” Erin nods, and Lydia stands on her toes to reach the screen and Erin guides her with which button to press.

 

“The next downtown local train is one station away,” a robotic voice chimes out. 

 

“Oh, okay, we’d better hurry. The next train might not be for a while,” Erin tells Lydia. She dislikes weekend train service at it is. She doesn’t want to have to wait ten minutes or more for the next train with the kids.

 

“Oh, whoops,” Lydia says, pressing the wrong button. Erin glances behind her, seeing somebody waiting to use the vending machine. She grows increasingly nervous.

 

“Okay, um,” she mumbles, reaching out, wanting to take control, but trying to be gentle about it. But Lydia manages to hit all of the correct buttons, and Erin hands her a twenty dollar bill, which she begins to insert into the machine. The machine spits the bill back out.

 

“The next downtown local train is approaching the station. Please stand back from the platform edge.”

 

“Okay, okay, here, let me just use my card,” Erin says, gently nudging the little girl out of the way and pressing some buttons on the machine and then pushing her debit card into the slot. She can hear the noise of the train behind her - she can also hear the impatient sigh of the person standing behind her, and she punches in her PIN, and finally,  _ finally,  _ the new MetroCard emerges from the machine.

 

“Okay, let’s go, let’s go!” she urges, and the three of them rush towards the turnstiles. Erin swipes the new MetroCard and Charlie pushes through. She swipes it again, and Lydia joins Charlie on the other side. She quickly swipes her own MetroCard --  _ please swipe again --  _ she groans, swiping again, and then she moves through the turnstile, grabs Charlie by the hand, grabs Lydia by the hand, sprints towards the train doors just as they are beginning to close. 

 

She squeezes onto the train, Charlie in front of her, yanking Lydia on after her, and the doors close. Lydia laughs wildly, and Erin can’t help but laugh as well.

 

The train is crowded. Of course it is. It’s Saturday service and it’s always crowded. There are no seats, so they hang on to poles, and Erin keeps a steady hand on Lydia’s shoulder.

 

They only need to go a few stops, and then they’re outside again, and Erin leads them into the park, heading towards Bethesda Terrace. As they approach the arched walkway into the terrace, the music of what sounds like a full choir and orchestra meets their ears.

 

“What is  _ that?!”  _ Lydia asks, her eyes growing wide, and she grabs Erin by the hand, pulling her forwards. “Come on, come  _ on!  _ I want to  _ see!” _

 

It’s no more than ten people singing, a few people with instruments, and Erin, Charlie, and Lydia join the group of people already watching. Erin looks at Lydia, sees her expression of awe, and she quickly rummages through her purse, pulling out a five dollar bill.

 

“Do you want to go put this in that case over there?” she asks, nodding towards the opened guitar case full of tips. Lydia nods quickly, taking the money from Erin and running over to drop in into the case. She comes back, smiling widely.

 

They watch for a while longer and then walk towards the pond, stopping for a moment to admire the Bethesda fountain and so Lydia and Charlie can fling fountain water onto one another, laughing loudly. 

 

They find a spot on a large rock next to the pond, several ducks close by, and Erin sits and watches as the kids throw pieces of bread to the birds. The ducks are used to this. They’re used to humans, used to being fed by humans, and they’re completely unafraid of humans. They come close to the kids, and Lydia shrieks, running away from them, but Charlie simply laughs and feeds them. Lydia grows brave again, but as soon as a duck comes near to her, she screams again - but laughs as she runs away. 

 

A mother duck and her four ducklings come by, and Lydia coos, watching them excitedly. Once the mother duck and her ducklings waddle away, though, Lydia seems to be done with feeding the ducks. Charlie is still at it, though, a couple slices of bread still in his bag. Lydia sits down beside Erin on the rock.

 

“Having fun?” Erin asks her, and she nods.

 

“Yeah, the ducks got  _ so close  _ to me! Did you see?!”

 

“I saw,” Erin laughs. “Were you scared?”

 

“Not  _ really _ ,” she shakes her head, but then leans in closer to Erin and lowers her voice. “A little bit. But don’t tell Charlie.”

 

“Okay. I promise I won’t.”

 

“Erin?” Lydia asks.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Are you and Aunt Jillian gonna get married?”

 

She’s caught completely off guard by the question. She nearly chokes on her own saliva.

 

“Oh. Um. I, uh -- I--,” she stammers. “I, uh, we...um. Haven’t. Discussed-- um.”

 

“They obviously are,” Charlie chimes in, and Erin wasn’t even aware that he had been close enough to hear.

 

“Really?!  _ When?!”  _ Lydia asks.

 

“One of them has to ask the other first, Lydia,” Charlie tells her. 

 

“Well, when are ya gonna ask her?!” she pries, and Erin can feel her face burning, and she’s sweating, and why is a  _ child  _ making her so flustered?

 

“It’s  _ complicated,  _ Lydia,” Charlie says, sitting down on Erin’s other side. Erin looks at him, slightly surprised, watches him push his glasses up the bridge of his nose and he smiles. “That’s what my mom always says when she doesn’t wanna answer a question.” 

 

“Well, you should ask her soon,” Lydia says.

 

“Maybe Aunt Jillian is gonna ask Erin,” Charlie suggests.

 

“Either way,” Lydia shrugs. “I don’t care who asks, but one of you better do it soon. You’re not getting any younger!”

 

“Oh my god,” Erin mutters. “Where did you even-- actually. No. Nevermind.”

 

“My friend Daisy, her aunt got married, and Daisy got to be in the wedding,” Lydia says. “Her aunt married a boy, though. I told her that when  _ my  _ aunt gets married,  _ she  _ gets to marry a girl. Me and Daisy both think that marrying a girl is a lot better than marrying a boy.”

 

Erin laughs loudly, and Lydia seems very pleased with herself.

 

Erin buys them lunch from a food vendor and they eat in in the grass. As they sit there, Erin’s phone vibrates, and she looks at it to find a text message from Holtz.

 

_ Everything going ok? _

 

She types out a response.

 

_ Everything good here! How about you? _

 

Holtz replies quickly.

 

_ Could be worse. Tricky bust. Be glad you weren’t there. Apparently when you’re not around to get ectoprojected on I’m in the next best thing. It might take me a while to de-slime. You sure you’re good? _

 

Erin laughs -- she always does when somebody else is the main slime target instead of her.

 

_ I’m good. Take your time! _

 

After their lunch, they walk towards the carousel that Erin  _ knows  _ is around here  _ somewhere  _ \-- she’s always sort of avoided it -- when suddenly, Lydia lets out a bloodcurdling scream and stops walking. Erin and Charlie both turn to her, and she’s already crying before Erin can even process what’s happening. But then the little girl is holding up her arm and there is some sort of large, winged insect flying away.

 

“It stung me!” Lydia screams, tears pouring down her face. And Erin’s hands are already shaking as she leans down to the girl.

 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” she says, her heart racing. “Oh no. Oh no. Oh god. Are you-- are you allergic? To bees? Or wasps? Do you even know?! Oh my god, I don’t know what to do.”

 

Lydia cries even harder. 

 

Erin gingerly grabs her arm, looking at the spot -- already red and swelling. 

 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god.”

 

“Erin,” Charlie says firmly beside her. “Stop freaking out. It’s just a sting. You freaking out is making her freak out even more. You need to calm down.”

 

Erin looks at him, again, surprised. The kid is  _ ten.  _ But he’s right. She knows that he’s right. So she nods, trying to steady her breath, and then turns back to Lydia.

 

“Okay, sweetie, it’s okay. I know it hurts, but it’s gonna be okay, alright?” she says, and her voice is shaking, but she’s trying her hardest. Charlie nods approvingly.

 

“Better,” he says. 

 

“Okay. Okay. We just need to… clean it, probably. Yeah. And then… ice. Put ice on it. Yeah. That’s what we need to do.”

 

She looks around. They’re in the middle of the park. There is nowhere to clean it or to get ice anywhere nearby. 

 

“Okay. Yeah. That’s what we need to do,” she says again. “Let’s walk, okay?”

 

But Lydia stands still, crying.

 

“Come on, Lydia,” Charlie says, but Lydia simply shakes her head.

 

“We gotta move so we can make you better, okay?” Erin says, but Lydia shakes her head again. “Okay. Um. Um. I know! Do you want to ride on my back?!”

 

She’s seen Holtz give Lydia plenty of piggyback rides. She knows that Lydia enjoys them. So when Lydia tearfully nods, Erin feels victorious.

 

“Okay. Come on. Climb on,” she says, turning around and stooping down.

 

She isn’t any heavier than a proton pack. It’s fine. Erin hooks her arms around her knees and begins to walk in the direction of a park exit. She finds one, and she’s pleased to see a Duane Reade directly on the other side of the street. Lydia has stopped crying, but she sniffles behind Erin, and Erin has to continuously hoist her up to a comfortable position on her back.

 

When she goes into the Duane Reade, she isn’t entirely sure what she’s looking for. The go to the first aid section, she grabs a small bottle of antiseptic spray, finds a package of wipes specifically for insect stings and grabs those as well, and then Lydia points down the aisle.

 

“Band-Aids! We need Band-Aids!” she declares.

 

“You’re right,” Erin nods.

 

“Ooh! Ooh! The Hello Kitty ones! Get the Hello Kitty ones!”

 

“Hello Kitty Band-Aids it is,” Erin says, grabbing the package. 

 

“All of the ice packs are unfrozen,” Charlie tells Erin.

 

“Really? They don’t sell any frozen ones? That’s bullshit!”

 

“Bad word!” Lydia says.

 

“Oh, shit-- I mean! Dammit! Fuck! No! God! Stop saying things, Erin!”

 

Both kids laugh at her.

 

“Stop saying things, Erin!” Lydia repeats.

 

“Stop saying things, Erin!” Charlie joins in.

 

“Stop saying things, Erin!” they cry out in unison, and Erin is laughing, too.

 

She ends up buying a can of soda to press against Lydia’s skin. Once she makes her purchases, they sit on a bench near the park again and Erin cleans the sting, applies a Hello Kitty Band-Aid to it, and then Lydia holds the soda can against it. Erin thinks that maybe the cold compress should have happened  _ before _ the Band-Aid, but Lydia insisted on the Band-Aid first.

 

“Oh, jeez,” Erin sighs. “You know what I think we need next?”

 

Thirty minutes later, they all have ice cream. Lydia has stopped crying completely. And everybody seems happy enough.

 

They go back to the apartment after that, worn out and sweaty, and Erin manages to find something on television for the kids to watch, and Lydia falls asleep on the sofa, and  _ finally  _ Holtz returns.

 

“How’d everything go?” Holtz asks her.

 

“They’re alive,” Erin says.

 

“Lydia got stung by a bee and Erin shouted profanities in the middle of a drug store,” Charlie supplies. 

 

“I did not  _ shout  _ profanities!” Erin argues. “And you’re ten years old, how do you even _know_ the word  _ profanities _ ?!”

 

“Because he’s _my_ nephew, duh,” Holtz laughs. “Lydia really got stung by a bee?”

 

“Yes,” Erin nods. “She did.”

 

“And you took care of that?”

 

“Yes. I did,” she smiles.

 

“See? I knew you could do it.”

 

Karen arrives not much later to pick up the kids and go home. She smiles a lot.

 

“Um. Do you guys thinks that maybe you could watch them again next weekend?” she asks. Holtz glances at Erin and then back at Karen, and she nods.

 

“I think we might be able to do that,” she smiles.

 

“Bye, Aunt Jillian!” Charlie and Lydia both say as they hug her goodbye. Erin lifts a hand to wave to them, but to her surprise, Lydia runs over to her next, arms outstretched.

 

“Bye, Aunt Erin!” she says, hugging her.

 

“Bye, Aunt Erin!” Charlie also says, giving her a hug. Erin is still trying to process it even as the door is closing behind them.

 

“ _Aunt_ Erin, huh?” Holtz smiles, sauntering over towards her.

 

“I did not tell them to call me that,” she says, dumbfounded. “Did you tell them to call me that?”

 

“I did not tell them to call you that,” she says, still smiling. “Are you...crying?”

 

“No,” Erin lies, shaking her head, and she knows that Holtz is about to make fun of her, but she really can’t help it. She really, really can’t help it.

 

But then Holtz is wrapping her arms around her, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

 

“I love you,” she says, and then pulls away from her. “Did you really shout profanities in the middle of a drugstore?”


	6. Lost & Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Prompt:** Holtz has lost her favourite tee and discovers that Erin has stolen it.

“Hey, Erin. Question. Any chance you’ve seen my Sleater-Kinney shirt recently? I can’t find it.”

 

“Um. What does it look like?”

 

“It’s black. Really worn out. Says ‘Sleater-Kinney’ on it. I’ve worn it around you before. I’m sure you’ve seen it. I wear it a lot.”

 

“I think I know what you’re talking about, but I don’t know if I’ve seen it.”

 

“Okay,” Holtz frowns. “I’ve looked in my apartment and in the room here… If it’s not at your place either, then….”

 

“I’m sure it’s around somewhere,” Erin assures her.

 

“I’ve had that shirt since high school.”

 

“It’ll turn up.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

It doesn’t. Weeks pass, and Holtz still doesn’t find her shirt. She tries to not let it bother her. She tries to keep telling herself that it will show up eventually. But she really is very attached to that shirt and its absence frustrates her because she has no idea where it could possibly be. 

 

She’s at Erin’s apartment -- she spends more time there than at her own apartment these days. She hasn’t even slept at the firehouse in a long time. She’s become used to Erin’s bed, her luxurious, soft sheets, the way her body feels pressed against hers as they fall asleep. She’s at Erin’s apartment, freshly showered, wrapped in a fluffy towel and lying on the bed, her head hanging off the foot of the bet, her hair wet falling over the edge. She watches Erin upside-down, watches her rummage through her dresser, watches her drop her towel, pulling a pair of underwear on. Holtz doesn’t really see the point in re-dressing. They’re just going to get naked again soon. She definitely plans on having them both naked again very soon. She tells Erin this.

 

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to take my clothes off of me again,” Erin answers with a shrug, and Holtz smiles because she really does not have a problem with that at all. Erin looks down at her, keeps their eyes locked even as she grabs a shirt from her dresser without looking, and then she turns, pulling it on. The first thing that Holtz notices is the small hole in the side seam, just below the sleeve. The second thing she notices is the bleach stain in the back near the neck. The third thing she notices is the way Erin freezes when she looks down at herself, noticing the shirt that she’s just put on.

 

“That’s my shirt,” Holtz states simply. “I’ve been looking for that.”

 

“Um,” Erin laughs nervously.

 

“I asked you if you’d seen it.”

 

“Um.”

 

“You totally lied to me, didn’t you?”

 

“Umm.”

 

She rolls onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows, looking at Erin.

 

“You totally  _ stole  _ my very old and very important and sentimental Sleater-Kinney shirt.”

 

“I didn’t  _ steal  _ it,” Erin protests. “I...just… have been wearing it when you’re not here...and...not giving it back to you.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“I’m sorry!” she exclaims, but Holtz is smiling. She’s grinning so wide that her cheeks are already beginning to hurt.

 

“You stole my shirt,” she laughs. “But why that one?”

 

“Because… Nothing. No reason,” Erin shakes her head. “It’s stupid.”

 

“Mmhm,” Holtz murmurs, resting her chin in her hands, still grinning up at Erin. “Your hesitation is only making me even  _ more  _ curious.” 

 

“It’s just,” Erin laughs, looking down at the shirt and running her hands over the front of it. She smiles, scrunching her face up in that way that she does when she’s embarrassed, and Holtz finds it so endearing. “You were wearing this shirt when we… you know… kissed for the first time.”

 

“If I remember correctly, we did a lot more than kissing that night.”

 

“Well, you were actually wearing the shirt during the kissing. Not the other stuff,” Erin says.

 

“Okay, yeah, you got me there. That’s true,” Holtz agrees.

 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t give it back to you,” Erin says. “I didn’t know that it was so important to you! Or that you've had it since high school! But by the time I found that out, I already lied and said I hadn’t seen it, and then I didn’t know how to backtrack on that lie and--”

 

“Hey. It’s okay,” Holtz tells her. “I’m happy that it’s not lost.”

 

“It means a lot to you?” Erin asks. Holtz shrugs.

 

“I bought it when I was sixteen and took the bus to Philadelphia to see Sleater-Kinney, and I didn’t have any friends, but for like, two hours that night, for the first time ever, I almost felt like I  _ belonged  _ somewhere. It was a big moment in my teenage life.”

 

Erin smiles.

 

“And then! I saw them again like, a year or two later, and I wore that shirt to see them! And I ended up kissing a girl at that show, and we did  _ a lot  _ of kissing. It was like, my first real makeout session. Actually...now that I think about it, I’ve kissed a lot of girls while wearing that shirt. Including you!”

 

“You know, I’m starting to like this shirt a little bit less now,” Erin states.

 

“Aw, don’t worry. That first girl has  _ nothing  _ on you.  _ Although,  _ she  _ did  _ have pink hair. Have you ever thought about dyeing your hair pink?”

 

“Nope,” she shakes her head.

 

“That’s too bad. You’d look really good with pink hair. I would totally make out with you if you had pink hair.”

 

“Good to know.”

 

“Are you jealous?”

 

“What, of your pink-haired makeout buddy?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Uh, no,” Erin laughs. 

 

“Do you wish that  _ you  _ had made out with Seventeen-Year-Old-Jillian?” she waggles her eyebrows, smiling widely. “But you wouldn't have  _ever_ wanted to make out with Seventeen-Year-Old-Jillian.”

 

“No? Why’s that?”

 

“Well, first of all, it would have been a felony. Because, you know,” she smiles. “You’re so much older than me.”

 

“Okay. That’s--”

 

“God, when I was seventeen, you were  _ what,  _ almost  _ thirty _ ?!”

 

“Not really,” she shakes her head.

 

“Kind of, though.”

 

“Okay, that’s enough.”

 

“ _ Fiiiiiiine,”  _ Holtz agrees, and then she folds her arms out on the bed in front of her, dropping her head down on top of them, still looking up at Erin, admiring the way she looks in just her underwear and the old, worn out Sleater-Kinney t-shirt. She reaches out towards her, just close enough for her fingertips to graze over her thighs. “Wanna know a secret?”

 

“What?”

 

“When I thought I lost that shirt, I was mostly upset because… that’s the shirt that I was wearing the first time you kissed me.”

 

Erin smiles and takes a step forward, closer to Holtz.

 

“Really?” she asks. “Even with all the other girls you kissed while wearing it?”

 

“You’re the only one that matters.”

 

“That’s really cheesy,” Erin comments, but she’s smiling, and Holtz laughs, grabbing her by the hip, reaching out her other hand for her other hip.

 

“I know it is, but it’s true,” she says. “Speaking of cheese, I’m starting to think that I might be lactose intolerant.”

 

“Okay. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information.”

 

“Yeah, me either, I just remembered it,” she shrugs, pulling Erin closer to her, right up to the edge of the bed, and she hooks her fingers beneath the elastic of her underwear, beginning to pull them down. “I told you these wouldn’t be staying on long.”

 

“I guess you were right,” she says, and she reaches for the hem of the t-shirt, but Holtz hastily swats her hands away.

 

“No,” she says. 

 

“No?”

 

“Nope. You’re gonna be keeping that on.”


	7. Cupboards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Prompt:** Holtz, being as small as she is, trying to reach something from a cupboard but can't.

The plan had been simple enough. Erin’s birthday. Wake up early. Make breakfast. Surprise her with breakfast. Eat breakfast. And then go down on her for like, an hour or so. That’s Phase One and it had seemed simple enough when Holtz had been planning it, but now she has encountered a teeny tiny roadblock and it’s throwing her whole plan completely off course.

 

It’s not like she really spends much time in Erin’s kitchen as it is. They usually just order something to be delivered or pick something up on the way back from work. The cooking that happens is minimal. Holtz  _ can  _ cook. She can follow a recipe like nobody’s business. She just doesn’t do it much.

 

So it’s not really her fault that she was unaware of the layout of Erin’s kitchen. It’s not her fault that she didn’t know where things were kept. It’s not her fault that Erin’s cupboards seem to go up to the goddamn  _ ceiling  _ and  _ of course  _ the mixing bowl that she kind of needs to use is all the way at the very top of the highest cupboard.

 

And she’s on her very tippy-toes, arms outstretched as far as she can manage -- and should her shoulder really be making that weird clicking noise? -- her fingers reaching, reaching, reaching, but to no avail. She can’t reach it.

 

She falls back onto her heels, looking up, assessing the situation. She plants her hands firm on the counter in front of her. There isn’t much counter space. The kitchen is small, most of the counter is taken up by a dish rack, a coffee pot, a toaster. There isn’t much space, but Holtz manages to hoist herself up, onto her knees, balancing precariously on the very edge of the counter, holding onto the cabinet above her, reaching out one hand towards the mixing bowl, needing to lean her body back slightly due to the angle and positioning of the cupboard above the counter.

 

“What the hell are you doing?!”

 

It startles her. She jumps. And then she slips. Her knees slips right off the edge of the counter, and then she’s falling backwards. She lands on her feet, stumbles backwards, turns around, looks at Erin, standing there in her pajamas, her hair still messy from sleep (and...other things), and she looks startled, and she rushes towards Holtz.

 

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you -- what were you doing on the counter?!”

 

“I was trying to reach that,” she answers, pointing up at the mixing bowl. “Why would you put things up so high?”

 

Erin says nothing, but a teasing smile plays at her lips as she steps forwards, keeping her eyes on Holtz the entire time, reaching up, her long arms easily bringing her hand to the top shelf, grabbing the mixing bowl, handing it over to Holtz.

 

“You couldn’t reach that?” she asks, and she’s trying so hard not to laugh and it’s evident in her voice. “I’m not even that much taller than you.”

 

“You… long arms,” Holtz mumbles out. “The longest arms.”

 

“Okay,” Erin smiles, and her eyes are gleaming in a way that tells Holtz that she’s going to be making fun of her for this for a long time. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

 

“I’m not embarrassed,” Holtz tells her.

 

“If you say so!”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Okay, okay, jeez,” Erin laughs. “You don’t need to be so  _ short  _ with me.”

 

“Oh, we’re making puns now? Great. Really funny. You’re really proud of yourself for that one, aren’t you?”

 

“I really am,” Erin laughs, nodding. “Why are you getting that down anyways?”

 

“Because,” Holtz huffs. “I was trying to make you breakfast and surprise you with it because it’s your birthday and I’m in love with you or whatever.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s really sweet.”

 

“ _ Yeah _ . I  _ know.  _ I bet you regret making fun of me now.”

 

“No, not really. Not at all,” she says. “But… maybe I can help you? You know, get things down for you if your little arms can’t reach them?”

 

“I hate you,” Holtz grins at her. 

 

“I know,” Erin grins back, leaning in, kissing her. Holtz wants to keep pretending to be mad at her, but she can’t. She practically throws the mixing bowl aside, dropping it onto the counter, and bringing her hands to Erin’s face, fingers grazing her cheeks as they kiss. Their bodies press together. Erin grips onto Holtz’s arms. Holtz pulls away, looking at Erin, her wet lips, her messy hair, and she nods.

 

“Hmm, yep,” she says, mostly to herself, but Erin tilts her head to one side.

 

“What?” she asks.

 

“Rearranging the order of plans,” she explains, but Erin furrows her eyebrows, looking even more confused than before.

 

“What?” she says again.

 

“Pants off. Bedroom. Now,” Holtz says simply. “Breakfast later.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Oh, and,” Holtz says, pulling Erin back into her, kissing her again. “Happy birthday.”

 

Three days later, Holtz finds a small step stool in Erin’s kitchen. Erin doesn’t mention it. Holtz doesn’t mention it either. It turns out to be a very useful addition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to be packing up my apartment to move but I did this instead because I am a human disaster. Whoops?!


	8. Extra Guacamole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been very very busy with moving to my new apartment (because I'm a damn idiot and didn't ask for any time off work, so I've still been working during the day and then doing the whole moving thing in the evening and it's a lot) so here is just a short little thing for now. Hopefully after this weekend, I'll be all settled in and I'll be able to start writing more frequently again!
> 
> Also, YOU GUYS, check out [this BEAUTIFUL THING](http://torecklessoptimists.tumblr.com/post/149677435675/i-just-really-liked-this-fic-by-heykaylabeth) that [torecklessoptimists](http://torecklessoptimists.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr made for Bits & Pieces!!! I have to share it because I am absolutely obsessed with it, oh my GOD. I may have cried over it.
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:** Expanding or continuing "[Tacos](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7809214)"? Like when Holtz actually gets to Erin's place with the food.
> 
> (If you haven't yet read Tacos, I would suggest doing that first. It's very short, so I promise it won't take long!)

The apartment is too quiet. It always seems to be too quiet these days when Erin is there by herself. She can’t seem to remember if the quietness used to bother her before, but now, it does. She hasn’t spent very much time alone in her apartment lately. 

  


She is especially anxious for Holtz to get home (--not that this is Holtz’s  _ home _ , even though they both refer to it as such when they speak without thinking. They seem to be speaking without thinking a lot lately.) Before she had left the firehouse, her slip-of-the-tongue admission of love had been met with an equally unceremonious declaration from Holtz. 

  


“Bye. I love you.”

  


“Love you, too.”

  


It wasn’t exactly how she had imagined that she would tell her that she loves her. And she had imagined it plenty of times. She’s been in love with her for a while -- possibly longer than she even recognized, but hadn’t told her yet out of… fear? No. It wasn’t fear. It was more like the obsessive need for things to happen perfectly and according to plan. A need that she’s been trying to rid herself of due to its impracticality. Things don’t always go according to plan. She knows this. She tells herself this. Constantly. But the need still lingers inside of her.

  


But now she’s told Holtz that she loves her. A slip of the tongue. Like it was nothing. And Holtz said it back.

  


When she finally hears the door to her apartment opening, she practically throws down the magazine that she’s not really reading (celebrity gossip trash -- Holtz makes fun of her for it, but the mindless entertainment of it all is just so goddamn appealing) and she turns towards the door, and Holtz is closing it behind her, a paper bag in her hand, and she looks at Erin, their eyes lock, and neither of them say anything. 

  


Holtz practically throws the paper bag onto the floor at the same time that Erin stands from the sofa, and they meet halfway, Holtz’s hands coming to Erin’s face, Erin’s hands grabbing at Holtz’s arms, lips pressing together, quick and heated and a little bit sloppy, and they’re both smiling too much, and then they’re laughing, foreheads pressed together, and Holtz moves her hands, wrapping them around Erin’s shoulders, and Erin wraps her arms around Holtz’s waist, and their laughter dies down, and Holtz kisses her again, quick and soft, pulls away and looks at her.

  


“Hi,” she says.

  


“Hi,” Erin returns.

  


“Um. So,” Holtz smiles. “I love you.”

  


“I love you, too.”

  


“I’ve been wanting to say that for such a long time.”

  


“Me too,” Erin admits. “But I didn’t know how.”

  


“Me either,” Holtz grins. “Turns out it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it’d be.”

  


“No. It was pretty easy,” Erin agrees with a laugh. “Not exactly how I imagined it, but…”

  


“What, you didn’t imagine that we’d tell each other ‘I love you’ for the first time immediately after agreeing to have tacos for dinner? Because, uh, that’s  _ exactly  _ how I thought it would happen.”

  


“You’re stupid,” Erin tells her fondly. Holtz just grins even wider.

  


“But you love me,” she says.

  


“Yes, I do.”

  


“Good. Because I love you, too,” she says before kissing her again. The kiss lasts longer this time, hands move, Holtz’s into Erin’s hair, Erin’s up Holtz’s back, beneath her shirt, fingertips digging lightly into soft skin. Holtz lets out a combination between a sigh and a moan before pulling away from Erin again.

  


“I want to have sex with you so badly right now,” she tells her. “But I’m also so hungry and all I can think about right now is tacos. Which, weirdly enough, is turning me on  _ even more _ . It’s like I’m horny for food.  _ Horngry.  _ I’m horngry.”

  


Erin tries not to laugh. She tries to not even smile. But she fails.

  


“I have fallen in love with a person who combines the words ‘horny’ and ‘hungry’. And uses that word seriously.”

  


“You sure have,” Holtz winks at her. Erin sighs, shaking her head, laughing softly.

  


“Let’s eat,” she says.

  


“And then sex?”

  


“Obviously.”

  


“I love you.”

  


They finally pull away from each other completely, and Holtz retrieves the paper bag that she had thrown on the floor. They sit beside each other on the sofa as Holtz begins to pull things from the bag.

  


“Oh, did you get guacamole on mine?” Erin asks.

  


“Not only did I get guacamole on yours, I got  _ extra  _ guacamole on yours,” she answers, her tone seductive, and Erin lets out a shuddered gasp.

  


“ _ Extra  _ guacamole?”

  


“Extra,” she nods. Erin smiles.

  


“God, I love you.”


	9. Cursed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking a while with writing these! My new apartment is still a big, unpacked mess and it's taking quite a bit of work. 
> 
> Also!!!!! [Look! At! This!!!!](http://ennn.tumblr.com/post/149888811713/bits-and-pieces-by-heykaylabeth-jillian-holtzmann) made by [ennn](http://ennn.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!!! You guys are TRYING TO KILL ME, I SWEAR. I'm so emotional.
> 
> Aaaand. I started out doing prompts in the order that I received them, but I skipped ahead to this one so that I would be able to reference it in another one that I got before I got this one and umm...yeah. Alright. Okay.
> 
>  **Prompt:** You know how Erin cries to Abby about how she's scared something will happen because she's so happy? What if something DID happen. Like Holtz gets sick/hurt/something with her family, etc.

Erin thinks that she should have expected this. Erin thinks that she did expect this. Maybe not this. Not exactly this. But something. Something like this.

 

And the way that it happens, like in slow motion, and she is in slow motion, too, powerless to do anything but just watch. She watches as she is lifted into the air, watches her soar across the room, backwards, her body bent and twisted, the way her eyes widen before she squeezes them shut, and the way her body hits the wall with so much force, the noise too loud, and then she’s on the floor, crumpled, small, unmoving.

 

There have been injuries. Their line of work isn’t exactly safe. Injuries are expected. Possessions, dangling out of windows, jumping into portals to the  _ other side.  _ They’ve dealt with those. They came out just fine. But this is different. It seems different. Because Erin is in love with Holtz now, and her small, unmoving body crumpled in a heap against the wall feels different. Feels like she can’t breathe. Feels like her stomach and chest are trying to switch places inside her body. Feels like nothing else matters except for her. Feels like the only possible next move is to run to her side, to be next to her, to find her pulse, to feel her breathing.

 

But she is part of a team that is already one short now and she can’t abandon the fight, so she doesn’t.

 

She doesn’t even realize that she’s crying until her vision is so blurred that she can hardly see what’s in front of her.

 

When it’s done, when they’ve finished the job, she doesn’t hesitate. She throws off her proton pack because it’s weighing her down and she needs to be able to move faster, and she sprints, her insides burning, falls to her knees beside her, reaches, cradles her face in her hands. There’s a gash along her forehead, a trickle of blood running down the side of her face. Her eyes are closed and she doesn’t open them. Doesn’t do anything. Her face is peaceful, like she could be asleep -- but Erin knows better. She’s seen her sleeping. This isn’t what she looks like when she sleeps.

 

She fumbles, her hands shaking, moving two fingers to the side of her neck, trying to find a pulse point, but she can’t focus, and everything is blurry because she’s still crying, and there are hands on her shoulders, gentle but firm, pulling her away, but she struggles, trying to shrug them off, but they are persistent hands. Unmistakably Abby’s. She pulls her away. Patty swoops in, over Holtz, blocking her from Erin’s view.

 

“She’s breathing. She’s fine She’s gonna be fine.”

 

She should have expected this. She did expect this. Maybe not this. Not exactly this. But something. Something like this.

 

*

 

“How do you feel?”

 

“I feel like a ghost threw me across the room and smashed me into a wall.”

 

“So...not great, then?”

 

“No, Patty. Not so great,” Holtz says, but she’s smiling as she says it.

 

Erin sits in the corner of the hospital room, curled up in a chair, not moving, not speaking. She hasn’t said a word since Holtz woke up. Hasn’t moved from her spot. Can barely even look in her direction.

 

This is her fault. Somehow. Some way. This is all her fault.

 

She can feel the way that Holtz looks at her every so often. But she can’t look at her, can’t make eye contact. She knows that this isn’t how she’s supposed to be acting right now. She’s supposed to be the concerned and caring girlfriend. She’s supposed to be at her side, holding her hand, but she can’t. She can’t because she curled up in her chair, avoiding eye contact because somehow this is all her fault.

 

But they all keep shooting her glances because this isn’t how she’s supposed to be acting right now. Nobody says anything, though. Nobody says anything, but after a long look in her direction, Patty declares that she’s going to go off in search of coffee, and Abby enthusiastically agrees to join her. It’s all very obvious and Erin wants to be angry with them, but she also understands that they’re doing what they think is best, and she can’t blame them for that.

 

But when they leave, and Holtz looks at her and Erin still can’t move or look up at her, and Holtz mutters “Erin?” all small and sad and confused, she feels the surge of guilt because this is not how she is supposed to be acting right now. 

 

“This is my fault,” she mumbles, still not looking up, folded up in her chair, staring at the floor. Holtz doesn’t respond for a while. Erin isn’t entirely sure if she even heard her. But then she speaks.

 

“Well, I don’t think that’s accurate,” she says, and her tone is playful, Erin can tell that she’s smiling as she says it. 

 

“I knew that this would happen,” she continues.

 

“You successfully predicted the future? That’s impressive.”

 

“I think I’m cursed,” she says, finally lifting her eyes from the floor, looking at Holtz who lays there in that hospital bed, bruised and broken, and she looks so small, so much smaller than normal, and it hurts to look at her. It hurts, even though she’s alive and she’s going to be fine, the worst case scenarios and the what-could’ve-happened’s still keep running through her mind.

 

“Cursed?” Holtz lifts her eyebrows, and she’s still smiling.

 

“Yes. Cursed.”

 

“Erin. Baby. I know I encouraged you to read the Harry Potter books, but if I’d known that you were gonna start talking about divination and curses, I may have reconsidered.”

 

“Come on, Jillian, be serious,” she frowns.

 

“Did you just ‘ _ Jillian’ _ me?”

 

She continues to frown at her, and she doesn’t even have the energy to be annoyed. She’s just… she doesn’t even know. Defeated. Completely and utterly defeated. Holtz looks at her for a moment, seems to realize how serious she actually is, and her smile fades and is replaced with a look of concern and confusion.

 

“I want to comfort you but I honestly don’t really know what’s going on,” Holtz tells her.

 

“I should be the one comforting you,” Erin mumbles. 

 

“I don’t need comforting! I’m totally fine!” she says.

 

“You’re  _ fine?” _

 

“Yeah,” she nods.

 

“ _ Fine? _ You have cracked ribs and a dislocated shoulder. You are not  _ fine.” _

 

“And a concussion! Don’t forget about the concussion,” she adds.

 

“I just. I  _ knew  _ that something like this was gonna happen. I knew it. Everything just...it’s-- I can’t-- I’m sorry.”

 

“What are you sorry about?”

 

“This is my fault!” she insists. 

 

“Erin, this isn’t your fault,” Holtz says with a frown. “You didn’t do this to me. And if you had, it probably would have been like, a sex-related accident, which would have been  _ awesome. _ ”

 

She knows that she’s making jokes in an attempt to cheer her up, but it isn’t working. Erin just shakes her head. Holtz sighs.

 

“Why do you think that this is your fault?” she asks her.

 

“Because,” she begins, and she looks down at the floor again. “Something bad was bound to happen. Bad things always happen when I’m happy. It’s like, I don’t know. But it always happens. Always, always, always. As soon as I’m happy, something happens. And I’ve been so happy, and I knew that something bad was going to happen, and...it could have been so much worse, I know that. And I know that I sound crazy, okay? So you don’t have to tell me that. I just… this always happens. I knew it was gonna happen.”

 

“I wasn’t going to tell you that you sound crazy,” Holtz says softly. “Can you um, can you come here? Please? I would come to you, but...y’know... kind of in massive amounts of pain and stuff.”

 

Erin doesn’t want to move from her chair, doesn’t want to be closer to Holtz right now, but she also can’t bring herself to refuse. She stands slowly, shuffles closer to the hospital bed, doesn’t look up, doesn’t look at Holtz, but there’s a hand reaching out to her, grabbing onto her hand, holding it. 

 

“Your happiness did not cause me to get hurt, okay? You hear me? What we do is dangerous. Something like this...it was kind of inevitable. You did not cause this to happen.”

 

Erin shakes her head. She doesn’t believe her.

 

“It’s a pattern,” she says. “It keeps happening. It always happens.”

 

“Okay. So maybe it  _ is  _ your fault. Maybe this  _ did  _ happen because you are cursed and bad things happen when you’re happy. But you know what? I forgive you! I forgive you because you being happy is more important to me than having my ribs and shoulder intact!”

 

“It isn’t more important to me,” she says softly, frowning. “I don’t want to be happy if it means that you get hurt. Losing my job, losing tenure… I could deal with that. And, I mean, yeah, I had finally worked out a lot of old issues with my mom and we were on really good terms for the first time since I was a kid, and then she died, and I… I dealt with that. I guess. I don’t know. But I can’t…. You…. I can’t do this if….”

 

“Can’t do what?”

 

She doesn’t answer.

 

“If you’re trying to break up with me because you’re afraid that your happiness is gonna cause me to get hurt or die or something… I love you so much, you know that, right? I love you so much, but that’s really fucking stupid Erin.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yeah. It is. It really, really is. And it’s not gonna happen. I’m deciding that it’s not happening. Throw all the curses in the world at me and I still won’t let it happen. All of the curses. Cruciatus curse? It’s fine. I can handle it. Imperius? I’ll fight it off. Avada Kedavra?  _ Pffft. Yeah right. _ ”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Erin tells her, a small smile finally creeping onto her lips.

 

“You  _ should.  _ You told me that you were on the fifth Harry Potter book. You should know the Unforgivable Curses by now.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“You lied to me, didn’t you?”

 

“I like it better when you read them to me,” she admits, finally looking up at Holtz “I like it when you do the voices.”

 

Holtz shakes her head but laughs.

 

“I  _ do  _ do a pretty spectacular Snape, don’t I?”

 

“Your Dobby is still my favourite, though,” Erin says, a soft laugh slipping out. 

 

“Oh, the seventh book is gonna  _ kill  _ you.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Erin says, rapidly changing the subject, because she’s looking at her girlfriend smiling up at her, and her emotions are just all over the place. “That I’m such a…such a …”

 

“Such an adorable person?” Holtz suggests.

 

“No. Such a...a freak. I know that I sound crazy. But I’m really not making it up. Every time I’m happy, something bad happens.”

 

“But isn’t that just sort of how...life works?” Holtz asks “You know, it’s sort of just a series of ups and downs. Bad things… they happen. They can happen all at once or they can happen when you’re really happy. Not all bad things are bad things forever, though.”

 

Erin furrows her eyebrows, trying to work that out. Holtz continues.

 

“Like, for example… yeah, you lost your job and stuff, but then because of that, you… joined me and Abby. And that...was good, right? It was a good thing for me, anyways. One of the best things.”

 

“Yeah. I guess that’s true,” she admits with a small smile.

 

“And, well...I mean, I don’t think there’s any good that comes out of moms dying,” she frowns. “Moms die. And that fucking sucks. It just...it happens.”

 

“You,” Erin says suddenly, softly, and she knows that it’s out of context, doesn’t make sense, and she isn’t surprised when Holtz cocks her head, giving her a questioning glance.

 

“Hm?”

 

She smiles, shakes her head, lets out a small laugh.

 

“Um. It’s just that… I can think of something good that did happen when my mom died,” she explains. “You…. You were there for me. That’s when...when I….”

 

She trails off, not knowing how to finish, not really entirely sure what she’s trying to say, but Holtz is smiling, and she doesn’t need to finish. The hand that she is holding squeezes hers.

 

“Can you lean your face down here? Closer to mine? So that I can kiss it?” Holtz asks. Erin nods, leaning down to her, pressing their lips together.

 

“Hey, you know what good thing is gonna come from me getting all beat up by a ghost?” Holtz asks.

 

“What?”

 

“You get to take me home tonight and then take care of me until I’m better,” she grins.

 

“Is that good for me or good for you?” Erin laughs.

 

“Both of us, Erin. It’s good for both of us. I’m gonna read  _ so much _ Harry Potter to you.”

 

She smiles, kisses her again.

 

“I love you,” she tells her.

 

“I love you, too,” Holtz says. “Curses and all.”


	10. Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Prompt:** All on separate occasions, Patty, Abby and Kevin (again) catches them in the act at the firehouse and there is a not-so-serious team meeting about work boundaries!

Patty thinks that maybe she should have thought this out a little bit more. But she also thinks that right here, right  _ now _ ? There’s no way. 

 

They’ve just come back from a bust. A tough one. A messy one. They returned to headquarters exhausted and covered in ectoplasm, and she’s only just managed to scrub it all off of her -- and she knows that she’s the most thorough, she knows that by now, everyone else is done, too. She and Abby agreed that they need to do something to unwind, something that involves copious amounts of liquor. She’s come upstairs to find Holtz and Erin, to tell them the plan. And she doesn’t really think twice because god, there was just  _ so much slime. _

 

But now she’s rethinking her whole entire thought process. 

 

It’s quiet upstairs. That  _ should  _ be her first warning sign. It’s so quiet that when she reaches the second floor landing, she can hear a faint but incessant beeping noise. She’s heard the same noise before. It’s usually followed by Holtz and Erin tumbling out of the small room that Holtz sometimes sleeps in, clothes askew, hair mussed up, sweaty, and pretending like they weren’t just in the middle of something sexual. Patty isn’t stupid. She knows what the beeping is for.

 

So, she’s a little surprised to find herself in this situation. They’d all been pretty good at avoiding this sort of thing -- save for poor, sweet, innocent Kevin, of course. And it’s no wonder that they didn’t hear the beeping this time. Patty thinks that an entire  _ Jumanji _ -style stampede could run past them and they wouldn’t even notice.

 

They’re entirely wrapped up in each other. From where Patty stands, she can see Holtz’s back, her wet hair down and splayed over her shoulders, leaving a dark damp splotch across her shirt. She’s standing against a table, Erin’s legs on either side of her, dangling from where she’s sitting atop the table, Erin’s arms wrapped around her neck. And now that she’s noticed them, she hears the soft sound of kissing, the gentle smacking of lips, the occasional soft sigh.

 

Patty sighs, shaking her head. She’s about to turn and leave them to it and just text them about going out, but then a soft whimper of a moan cuts through the near-silence, and Patty realizes that they are  _ not  _ just making out up here.

 

“Oh, come  _ on _ ,” she says. They don’t hear her. Another moan. She slams her hands over her ears. 

 

“ _ HEY! _ ”

 

They both jump, heads turning towards her but not moving away from each other. 

 

“Oh, hi, Patty!” Holtz says casually, a grin spreading over her face. Erin at least has the decency to look embarrassed, pressing her lips together and then burying her face in Holtz’s neck, away from view. 

 

“Seriously?” she asks. “Right here? You gotta do this right here?”

 

“Well, it wasn’t  _ planned,  _ but when the mood strikes, y’know?”

 

“No,” she shakes her head. “No, I don’t know. Fuck to your hearts’ content in that little room over there, I don’t care, but out here--” she gestures around the room “--keep this a fuck-free zone.”

 

“But  _ Patty _ ,” Holtz says, disentangling herself from Erin and turning to face Patty. “We weren’t  _ fucking.  _ We were  _ making love.” _

 

“Holtzy. Girl. Your tits are out,” she tells her, shifting her eyes up to the ceiling instead of at Holtz, her shirt unbuttoned nearly all the way down and hanging open. “I just saw an entire tit.”

 

“Oh, whoops,” she laughs. 

 

“And as interesting as I find it that your nipples are pierced I’d much rather have learned through words rather than visuals.”

 

There’s a snort followed by Erin’s soft laughter, and Patty looks at them again, Holtz buttoning the top few buttons of her shirt, Erin resting her elbows on her knees, her face in her hands as she laughs.

 

“Oh, I’m glad you two find this so amusing,” she rolls her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” Erin says through her laughter. “But it really could have been worse.”

 

“That’s true,” Holtz agrees. “She has a very valid point right there.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right, I guess I could have seen a vagina instead of a boob,” Patty says sarcastically.

 

“Exactly!” Holtz exclaims. 

 

“Look, I’m real happy for you two that you’re all in love and stuff--”

 

“We _are_ in love!” Holtz grins widely. “Really, really in love! Like, _officially!_ And we're both fully aware!” 

 

“Okay?” Patty says, not fully understanding what she’s going on about. She glances at Erin not really needing an explanation, but knowing that she’s likely to find one from her. Erin laughs, her shoulders rising and falling in a quick shrug.

 

“We told each other that we love each other for the first time yesterday,” she tells her, shaking her head but smiling fondly over at her girlfriend who is still grinning,  _ beaming,  _ and Patty is confused.

 

“ _ Yesterday _ ?” she asks, looking between them. 

 

“Yeah,” Holtz nods.

 

“Yesterday?” she repeats. “Y’all only told each other ‘I love you’  _ yesterday?!” _

 

“...Yeah.”

 

“For the first time?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What in the hell is wrong with you two?”

 

Holtz and Erin glance at each other and then back at Patty, and she can’t help but laugh at their bewildered faces.

 

“I mean, jesus, you’ve been in love with each other for _ how _ long? And you’ve gone without actually saying it until  _ yesterday?  _ I mean! Holtzy, you told  _ me  _ that you were in love with Erin like, two--”

 

“ _ Heeeeey!”  _ Holtz interrupts loudly, drowning her out, laughing somewhat nervously, glancing quickly at Erin and then at Patty, her eyebrows raised, eyes wide, and Patty closes her mouth, not finishing her sentence. She had almost forgotten that Holtz had confided in her about her relationship with Erin in secret, without Erin’s knowledge.

 

But Erin laughs softly.

 

“It’s okay,” she says, mostly to Holtz. “I told Abby that I was in love with you before I told you that I was in love with you.”

 

“You did?” Holtz asks, turning to look at her. Erin nods, smiling, and then they’re completely lost in each other again, and Patty thinks that she could tell them that the building was about to explode and they’d probably just ignore her. Holtz touches Erin’s face, and then they’re kissing again, like Patty isn’t even  _ there. _

 

“You know what?” she says loudly. “Just-- I’m leaving. I’m going back downstairs. Abby and I are going out for drinks later. You can come if you want or you can stay up here and finish with what you’re doing.  Really don’t care. But I’m leaving.”

 

And with that she turns, walking away as Holtz and Erin burst into fits of giggles behind her.

 

*

 

It’s a Thursday evening and Abby is halfway to her train from the firehouse before she realizes that she left her jacket at work. She doesn’t really need it right now. It’s warm enough out that she doesn’t need it, but it’s that weird few weeks of fall where the mornings are significantly colder than the afternoons and evenings, and she knows that she will regret her decision to leave her jacket when she tries to go without it the next morning.

 

She turns back, cranky because she just wants to get home already, and makes her way back to the firehouse.

 

She can’t have been gone for more than ten minutes. Possibly not even  _ five  _ minutes. So when she gets inside, the sight that meets her causes her to let out a screech of horror, hands flying to her eyes, immediately turning around again.

 

“Oh my god!” she yells. “Oh my god, oh my god!”

 

Holtzmann is laid out across a desk, wearing only one of her loose crop tops, completely bare below that, while Erin -- fully clothed, thank  _ god _ \-- is face-down between her legs.

 

And the noises -- god, the  _ noises.  _ The noises are going to haunt Abby. She knows this already. She’s going to hear this in her nightmares. Holtz moaning and whimpering -- noises she never ever wanted to hear,  _ ever.  _

 

The noises stop after Abby yells. They’re immediately replaced with the rustling of quick movement, and Abby turns around again, but keeps her hands pressed firmly over the frames of her glasses, not daring to look.

 

“Where are my pants?”

 

“I don’t know!”

 

“Where--”

 

“Here, just--”

 

“I was gone for  _ five minutes!”  _ Abby shouts.

 

“Thought you were gone for the night,” Holtz mumbles.

 

“Are you decent? Can I open my eyes?”

 

“Yes,” Erin says. Abby pulls her hands away to find the two standing side-by-side like a pair of guilty children, Holtz with her long jacket wrapped around her body, her legs still bare

 

“I was gone for  _ five  _ minutes,” Abby says again. “I came back because I forgot my jacket. How silly of me to think that I could stroll into my place of work and  _ not  _ find two of my colleagues engaging in sexual acts on a desk! And-- oh  _ god,  _ Erin, that isn’t even  _ your  _ desk! You- oh my god. If I tell Patty that you two were--”

 

“ _ Noooo!”  _ Erin exclaims.

 

“Oh, she would not be happy about that at all,” Holtz says very seriously, but there’s a hint of laughter in her voice.

 

“Oh, god,” Abby grimaces. “Is this a regular thing? Have you...other places?  _ Other desks?!” _

 

“Not yours!” Erin assures her.

 

“Yeah, it’s always too messy. Patty’s is always very neat. Very neat and very tidy.”

 

“Just like her!” Erin adds, and they both laugh. Abby ignores it.

 

“Why?  _ Why?  _ Why on desks? You have homes! You even have a bed up there! What is wrong with your homes and that bed up there? Not that I encourage you having sex in this building at all, but I already know that you’ve had plenty of sex in that bed, so if it’s gonna happen here, why can’t it be there? In  _ private _ ?”

 

Holtz just stands there, smiling at her in a dazed sort of way, and then Abby notices the way that her eyes are slightly red and glazed over, and she gasps.

 

“Are you fucking  _ stoned  _ right now?!” she asks. Holtz stifles a laugh. Erin covers her mouth with a hand, but fails to hide her smile. “Oh my god. You’re fucking stoned!”

 

She glances at Erin and then back at Holtz.

 

“You told her?! You know you weren’t supposed to tell her!”

 

“Oh, yeah, she found out a while ago,” she shrugs, looking at Erin. “What, like… March or something?”

 

Erin nods, a giggle falling from her lips as she looks at Holtz, and they just look at each other for a while, goofy smiles on both of their faces, and Abby’s mouth drops open.

 

“Is  _ she  _ stoned?!”

 

“Maaaybe,” Erin grins at her. 

 

“What the fuck sort of alternate reality twilight zone shit have I just walked into?”

 

“Not her first time being stoned, either,” Holtz announces proudly, and holds up three fingers. “It’s her  _ third. _ ”

 

Abby can only stare at them. Finally, she shakes her head, letting out a sigh.

 

“Where’s the weed? You’re smoking me out. After what I just walked in on, I deserve it.”

 

“Oh. Uh. Okay,” Holtz agrees, although hesitantly. Abby raises her eyebrows.

 

“Oh, am I cock-blocking you? Or...whatever the vagina-equivalent of that is?” she asks, not even a little bit sorry.

 

“Uhhhh,” Holtz laughs. 

 

“So, where’s the weed? Upstairs?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s upstairs.”

 

“Great. Let’s go. And put some goddamn pants on, would you?”

 

*

 

Holtz is in the driver’s seat of the car, Abby beside her, Erin and Patty in the back. They’re headed towards a bust that seems like it'll be easy enough, there’s really no rush, so the stop-and-go traffic they’re stuck in isn’t a huge deal.

 

Holtz has music playing, fingers tapping against the steering wheel, sometimes singing along to a line or two. 

 

“What is-- oh my god,” Patty says from the back seat. “No. No.  _ Hell no.” _

 

“What?!” Abby asks, turning in her seat.

 

“Panties.  _ Panties,”  _ she exclaims, using the very tips of her thumb and forefinger to hold up a pair of small black underpants. “Someone wanna explain why there are  _ panties  _ inside this vehicle?!”

 

Holtz and Erin exchange a glance through the rearview mirror. Patty looks directly at Erin. Abby looks directly at Holtz.

 

“I don’t...know...who those might belong to,” Holtz says with a thoughtful frown. 

 

“Really?” Abby asks. “Because I’ve narrowed it down to two.”

 

“Laundry!” Erin says. “Laundry! Took laundry to...do… Took it in the car, and um. Must have fallen out!”

 

“God, you are  _ such  _ a bad liar,” Patty shakes her head. Erin reaches up, grabbing the panties from Patty, stuffing them into the pocket of her jumpsuit without another word.

 

“Just...y’know, out of curiosity… where did you find those?” Holtz asks. “Because I  _ could not  _ find them  _ anywhere _ . Had to go without underwear for almost a whole day.”

 

“You two are the  _ worst _ ,” Abby groans.

 

*

 

Kevin goes upstairs.

 

He sees Holtz pressing Erin up against a wall. Both of their shirts are gone. Erin has a leg hooked around Holtz. She’s breathing heavily.

 

Kevin turns around and goes back downstairs.

 

“They’re busy,” he explains simply to Abby who had sent him up there to bring them down for… he forgets why. 

 

“Busy with what?” she asks.

 

“Sex,” he says.

 

Patty slams her hand down on a table. Abby lets out a long sigh. 

 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Patty says, shaking her head.

 

“That’s it. We’ve gotta put an end to this.”

 

*

 

“But  _ that’s  _ why it’s  _ good.” _

 

“It’s good because of how bad it is?”

 

“Yes! Why is this so hard for you to understand?”

 

“I’m sorry, I just never expected  _ you  _ to be the type of person to enjoy teen dramas,” Erin says with a shrug as they reach the firehouse, their morning commute into work together now a comfortable routine. 

 

“Look, I know its not your fault that you were too old to enjoy it when it was airing, but Dawson’s Creek is not simply a teen drama. Dawson’s Creek is a goddamn masterpiece of teenage life and the _real_ _emotions_ that happen \-- first loves, heartbreaks, your boyfriend convincing you to wear a wire and turn in your dad to the police for being a drug dealer -- you know, really relatable stuff like that,” Holtz says. “Also, my sister was really into it and watched it every week and I had a crush on Michelle Williams, so.”

 

“Really? Not Katie Holmes?”

 

“Oh, god, no, Joey was the  _ worst.” _

 

Erin laughs, but then stops, looking out in front of her. Holtz follows her gaze, and then they’re both standing still.

 

“Oh, hey,” Abby says to them. “Ignore the sign. Kevin got confused.”

 

“So we’re  _ not _ having an intervention, then?” Holtz asks.

 

“I mean, I guess it kind of is, but no.”

 

“What’s...going on?” Erin asks her, eyes still focused on the large ‘intervention’ banner hanging on the wall.

 

“Happy intervention!” Kevin calls out gleefully to them.

 

“Kevin, no, how many times--?” Abby begins, but stops, shaking her head. “Where’s Patty? Patty! They’re here!”

 

Erin looks at Holtz, Holtz looks back at her, shrugs, answering her unasked question. They both look towards Abby again, being joined by Patty and Kevin.

 

“Sit down,” Patty tells them, nodding towards a nearby sofa. They do, still shooting unsure and questioning glances at each other.

 

“What’s this all about?” Erin asks them.

 

“You two,” Patty says.

 

“And all of the goddamn sex!” Abby adds.

 

“This is about us having sex?” Holtz asks, tilting her head to one side.

 

“In inappropriate places, yes,” Patty nods. 

 

“Such as the building that we use for our business!” Abby says.

 

“You guys are together. Great. Love it. Very happy for you. But there is a time and a place for certain types of intimacy, and any time that you are in this building? That’s the wrong time and the wrong place.”

 

“Okay, but,” Holtz interjects. “When nobody else is here--”

 

“Nope,” Patty shakes her head. “Still the wrong time, still the wrong place.”

 

“We need to establish some boundaries and guidelines for how you should behave in the workplace,” Abby tells them. “Rule number one: no sex.”

 

“Can I just say something?” Erin speaks up. “I am not the only person that she’s had sex with in this building, so she’s in more trouble than I am, right?”

 

“Seriously?!” Holtz gasps, looking at her with her mouth open. “You’re gonna rat me out like that?!”

 

Erin shrugs, smirking. Holtz turns back to the others. 

 

“I have not had sex with anybody else -- here or anywhere -- since I started having sex with Erin,” she says. “Which! By the way! Happened right upstairs! Imagine if your workplace boundaries had existed then! You would have prevented the beginning of a magical love story!”

 

“Your  _ magical love story  _ is the reason these workplace boundaries need to exist,” Patty says.

 

“Which brings us to rule number two!” Abby announces. “Upstairs. Your little alarm system to warn you when someone’s coming upstairs? Done. It’s gone. You are getting rid of it.”

 

“How did you know about…?” Holtz mumbles.

 

“You will no longer need that because there will be no more sex. That room up there? For sleeping  _ only.” _

 

“We’re gonna go easy on you right now, but if any of us catches you in the act again, things are gonna get a lot more strict,” Patty says. “We’re talking locks on doors with keys only available through one of us.”

 

“Oh, come on, how old are we?!” Erin complains.

 

“Great question, Erin! Because if I had to guess, I’d say maybe sixteen,” Abby says.

 

“Okay,  _ none of us  _ were having sex at sixteen,” Holtz points out.

 

“You don’t know that for sure,” Abby says.

 

“Uh, yeah, I do,” she nods. She points to herself. “Twenty-one.” She points to Erin. “Twenty-four.” She points to Patty. “Nineteen.” She points to Abby. “Twenty-three.” She points to Kevin. “Seventeen.”

 

“Okay, fine,” Abby throws her hands in the air. “You  _ get what I mean,  _ though.”

 

“How do you know that about everyone?” Erin asks her softly. Holtz just shrugs, stretching out her arms, clasping her hands together behind her head and she slouches down further onto the sofa.

 

“ _ Anyways _ ,” Patty says. “Rule number three: no kisses that last longer than three seconds.”

 

“Three seconds?” Holtz repeats. “That’s like-- that’s not even-- Erin, come here,” she says, and then grabs Erin’s face, pressing their lips together, and then makes three short humming sounds before pulling away. 

 

“See? A perfectly acceptable length of time for a workplace-appropriate kiss,” Patty says.

 

“Hold on, let me try again,” Holtz says, and both Patty and Abby object, but Holtz ignores them, grabbing Erin’s face again. It’s much sloppier this time, immediately pushing her tongue into her mouth, and Patty and Abby are both yelling at them, but it only lasts three seconds before Holtz pulls away again. Erin can’t help but laugh, wiping far too much of Holtz’s excess saliva from her chin.

 

“You want to make it  _ no  _ kissing?” Abby asks. “Because we can do that! We can make the rule no kissing, but we’re trying to be nice here.”

 

“Nah, three seconds is fine,” Holtz nods. “I can get a lot done in three seconds.” 

 

“Rule number four,” Abby continues. “Hands must stay above the waist at  _ all times. _ ”

 

They don’t even look at each other. Barely a second passes before Erin and Holtz are both reaching out, still facing forward as they grasp onto each other’s breasts. 

 

“ _ Seriously?!” _

 

Erin and Holtz have both dissolved into a fit of laughter, high-fiving each other for their like-minded quick wit while Abby and Patty are both shaking their heads in exasperation. 

 

“Okay, quick revision. No boob-touching and no waist-down touching.”

 

“Okay, but what about like…?” Holtz asks, lightly placing her hand on Erin’s thigh. Abby and Patty look at each other, deliberating, then shrugging.

 

“Okay, that’s fine,” Patty confirms.

 

“Great, what about…?” she asks, sliding her hand further up Erin’s thigh. 

 

“Nope. Where it was before. No higher.”

 

“So, to clarify,” Erin says. “Only our  _ hands _ are forbidden to touch boobs and anything below the waist?”

 

“No part of you can touch each other’s boobs or other places,” Abby says.

 

“So we can’t  _ hug?!”  _ Holtz exclaims. “My boobs always touch her boobs when we hug! That’s why I hug her so often!”

 

“Jesus christ,” Patty shakes her head. “Hugging is fine. Just...oh my god. This has gone way off-track.” 

 

“Look, just, stop having sex here. Stop making out here. Stop doing that shit here. You both have apartments. Apartments with beds--”

 

“And showers,” Erin mumbles. Holtz holds up her hand. Erin’s high-fives her without looking.

 

“Don’t do that,” Patty says.

 

“At this point, we have  _ all  _ walked in on you two going at it. And none of us wants it to happen again. Got it? That’s all we’re asking.”

 

“Okay, so, to review…,” Holtz says. “No sex, upstairs room is for sleeping only, no kisses longer than three seconds, no touching boobs or below the waist, but thigh-touches are okay and hugs are also okay… am I missing anything?”

 

“All articles of clothing stay on at all times,” Patty adds.

 

“Oh, good one,” Abby nods. 

 

“Anything else?” Erin asks.

 

“I think that’s it.”

 

“Okay. Great. Good chat,” Holtz says, standing up. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have some work to do. It involves the car. Erin, can you help me?”

 

“Yes, of course,” she nods, standing up as well. 

 

They’re almost completely out the door when they hear Patty’s voice again.

 

“Wait. Did we mention anything about doin’ it in the car?”

 

“Oh, shit,” Abby replies. “ _ Oh, shit _ . Hey! Hey, get back here!”


	11. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Prompt:** Waking up after their first time sleeping together.
> 
> I was sent this prompt twice! By two people! And that made me VERY VERY HAPPY.

Holtz wakes up to the feeling of warm breath on the back of her neck, hitting her skin in an even rhythm. She doesn’t know what time it is, but the way the sun floods into the room from the window makes her think that she hasn’t been asleep for very long. She smiles. It had all felt like a dream. But the breath on her neck, the warmth from the body beside her, the hand resting lightly against her waist… It was real. It really happened.

 

She’s afraid to turn around. She’s afraid to move. She wants nothing more than to look at her, to see her lying in bed beside her, but there’s a part of her that thinks that maybe this is a moment that can be easily broken, and that moving, turning around, looking at her… something will shift and break and be ruined. So, she doesn’t. 

 

She lays there, not really falling back to sleep, but drifting in and out of near-sleep. She’s on the very edge of asleep and awake when the steady deep breaths behind her become more shallow, but she doesn’t notice. Then a fingertip traces soft circles along her back and her eyelids flutter open once more, lips turning up into a smile.

 

She moves slowly. She rolls onto her back and then onto her other side, and Erin is there and she’s looking at her. Erin.  _ Erin.  _ Erin, in bed with her. Erin, waking up beside her. Erin, with the sunlight making every single feature look even softer than usual, with her auburn hair, messy and sticking up in the back, bangs swept haphazardly to one side. Erin, with her smile and her eyes, looking at her, looking at her and lying beside her in her bed and Holtz almost feels like she can’t breathe for a few seconds.

 

“Hi,” is the only thing that she can think of to say. 

 

“Hi,” Erin returns. 

 

Her mind is simultaneously racing and also at a complete standstill. Overflowing with thoughts and yet, completely blank.

 

“Hi.”

 

Erin smiles.

 

“You said that already.”

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

She stares at her. She stares at her because she’s lying in bed beside her and none of it makes any sense, except it makes perfect sense, it makes more sense than anything else in the entire world, and yet, she doesn’t understand it at all because this is  _ Erin  _ and they’ve just woken up together, and there are roughly five hundred and twenty-three things she’d like to say and she can’t think of a single one.

 

“I didn’t snore, did I?”

 

Erin laughs softly, shakes her head.

 

“No.”

 

“Cool,” Holtz nods. She has no idea why she’s saying this. “Neither did you.”

 

“Okay,” Erin says. “That’s good to know.”

 

“Yeah. Always reassuring,” Holtz agrees. Inside, she is cringing.

 

“Is that usually the first thing you ask the girls you’ve slept with?” she asks, a teasing smile at her lips. Holtz nods.

 

“Almost always,” she says. She doesn’t bother telling her how very rarely any of the other girls stayed the night.

 

Erin is still smiling at her and Holtz can’t look away. She’s smiling at her and she’s lying beside her and they’re in bed together, and they’re also totally naked, which is a thought that hadn’t even crossed Holtz’s mind until just now, but that part doesn’t matter because Erin is smiling at her and she can’t look away.

 

Erin pushes a few strands of hair out of Holtz’s eyes, gently tucking them behind her ear, trails her fingertips down her jaw, and she’s looking at her in almost the exact same way that she was looking at her right before she kissed her the night before -- the morning before? Earlier in the morning? Just a few hours ago? (How was it only a few hours ago when Holtz feels as if she has lived and died three whole lifetimes since that moment?)

 

Holtz almost feels as if she might cry, but that doesn’t make any sense at all to her, so she pushes that away and she takes a breath and she speaks, because if she doesn’t speak, she will cry.

 

“So…,” she says. “That happened.”

 

“Yes, it...certainly did,” Erin replies. 

 

“Um,” Holtz begins, but she doesn’t know where she’s going with it, so she falls silent. Erin lifts an eyebrow.

 

“You okay?” she asks her. Holtz nods. Too quickly. Too enthusiastically.

 

“Yes. Great. So totally okay. Super okay. The most okay…,” she says.

 

Erin looks entirely unconvinced. She sighs, closes her eyes, opens them again, looks at Erin. 

 

“Honestly?" she mumbles. "I’m kind of freaking out….”

 

“Oh,” Erin frowns, and she pulls her hand slowly from Holtz’s face. “Freaking out, like,  _ bad  _ freaking out?”

 

“No. No. Like...freaking out, freaking out?”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Um. Do you...regret--”

 

“ _ No!  _ Oh my god, no, not...even a little bit. The opposite of that. Whatever the opposite of regret is, um, that’s...yeah. Um. I like you.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Erin says. “Well, that’s...good… considering that we just had sex.”

 

“Yeah. I know. Um. But like, I  _ really  _ like you, Erin. Have liked you.”

 

“Yeah, I kinda figured,” Erin says.

 

“Really?”

 

“Um. Yeah,” she laughs softly. “You remember a couple months ago when you were sick and all loopy on cold medicine and I took you home? And then you told me that you were going to kiss me some day and that I should get ready for that? That was kind of a giveaway there.”

 

“What?” Holtz asks. “I...I  _ said  _ that?”

 

“You don’t remember that?”

 

“Uh,” she mumbles, trying so hard to remember that day, to remember what happened after Erin got her home, but there really was a lot of cold medicine involved. She shakes her head. “I remember the first part of that story, but, uh…. Wow. Shit. That’s really embarrassing.” 

 

“I didn’t know you ever got embarrassed.”

 

“I sometimes get embarrassed around pretty girls,” she says. Erin smiles. “So, um… you’re not… mad at me for taking advantage of your emotional vulnerability, then?”

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Erin asks.

 

“Well, I mean like, I don’t know, maybe you weren’t in the best mental state because of um, you know, everything that’s been-- and maybe I shouldn’t have, um, you know, and maybe, um, maybe you regret-- and I shouldn’t have, because it would be my fault, since I’m the one, who, uh--” she rambles all very quickly, barely taking a second to breathe, not looking at Erin, but Erin interrupts her.

 

“Holtz,” she says, and she places her hand on her cheek. “Holtz, stop talking.”

 

She does. She looks up at her.

 

“I’m the one that initiated it,” Erin reminds her. “I wanted it to happen.”

 

“You did?”

 

“Yes. I like you.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“Oh,” Holtz says, and then she smiles. “You like me?”

 

“Yes, Holtz, I like you.”

 

“Cool,” she nods. Erin rolls her eyes and shakes her head, but lets out a laugh. 

 

“You’re ridiculous,” she tells her. 

 

Holtz wants to kiss her. She wants to kiss her so badly. She’s looked at Erin hundreds -- possibly thousands -- of times and has felt the urge to kiss her, but every single time, she’s fought it, pushed it away, ignored it. It’s become so natural to ignore that feeling of wanting to kiss her, so when she feels it now, her first instinct is to fight it. But then there’s a voice that tells her that maybe she doesn’t have to. Maybe she doesn’t have to ignore those feelings anymore.

 

So, she does it. She kisses her.

 

And Erin kisses back, and the unexplainable feeling that she might cry has returned, and it still doesn’t make any sense. She pulls away.

 

“So...was this...your first time with a woman?” Holtz asks with a lift of her eyebrows. Erin nods slowly.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Was it...okay? For you?” she asks, and Erin laughs before she seems to realize that Holtz isn’t joking or teasing.

 

“Are you serious?” Erin laughs.

 

“Uh, yeah.”

 

“Really? Because...you were...there.”

 

“Was I?”

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t know,” Holtz shakes her head. “I think that I may have been partially dead for most of it.”

 

“Oh. Wow, um. Does that mean that I’m into necrophilia? Because that’s...unexpected,” Erin jokes. 

 

“Partial necrophilia if I was only partially dead,” she says. “So, you were into it?”

 

“Are you always this paranoid after you have sex with someone? The fact that I’m the calm one right now is...weird.”

 

“Sorry,” Holtz smiles apologetically. “But it’s  _ you. _ I just... want… tobegoodforyou.”

 

“It was good, Holtz,” she assures her. “It was really, really good.”

 

“Okay,” she smiles.

 

“Maybe next time you’ll be fully alive the whole time and you'll see for yourself.”

 

“Next time?”

 

“It was  _ really  _ good.” 

 

She looks at her and she’s lying beside her in bed and smiling at her, and Holtz thinks that she could very well stay here and look at her all day long, except--

 

“What time is it?” she asks.

 

“Oh, shit,” Erin mumbles, and she sits up, and the sheet falls to her waist, and Holtz tries  _ so hard  _ to look at her face and not at her breasts, but she fails miserably. And then Erin is reaching over her, grabbing for something on the floor, and she’s pressing against her, and it’s  _ a lot  _ to handle so early in the morning, and she loses all focus, barely even registers the fact that Erin is grabbing for a cell phone to check the time, hardly even hears her say that they only have about fifteen minutes before the others will be there. Instead, she runs her fingers down Erin’s spine, reveling in the way her body feels pressed against hers, lets out a groan of objection when Erin sits up again. 

 

“Come on, we gotta get up,” Erin tells her.

 

“But I don’t wanna,” Holtz whines, flopping onto her stomach, reaching an arm out, her hand falling lightly atop one of Erin’s breasts. 

 

“That make you feel better?” Erin asks flatly. Holtz nods into her pillow.

 

“Yeah,” she says, gently squeezing.

 

“Okay.”

 

“You have nice boobs.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Your vagina is nice, too.”

 

“...Thanks?”

 

“I just don’t want it to feel left out.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Holtz smiles, finally pulling her hand away and sitting up. She hops out of bed, finds some clean clothes around the room and pulls them on. She sits down on the floor in front of the mirror propped up against the wall, grabbing for her box of bobby pins, and begins to quickly twist her hair up in the back,prying the pins open with her teeth before sticking them in her hair. She’s going quick and lazy today, not caring much if it isn’t perfect. She doesn’t even use any of her (surprisingly many) styling tools for the front section. She just grabs for a can of hairspray, spraying liberally, and then uses her fingers to backcomb and tease it. She looks at her reflection when she’s finished. Good enough. 

 

She turns around, expecting to see Erin fully dressed and ready for the day, but instead, she’s still in bed, still very naked, and staring at Holtz with her mouth slightly opened. The way that she’s looking at her is different from the way that she usually looks at her. There’s something different there. Something new. 

 

“Uh. Hey,” Holtz smiles.

 

“Hey,” Erin answers, blinking a few times and finally looking away.

 

“You gonna get dressed, or are you working naked today?”

 

“Yeah, I just um,” she laughs. “Got distracted. By you.”

 

“Really? And I wasn’t even  _ trying  _ to distract you this time!”

 

“I never thought that watching somebody doing their hair would be...such a turn-on.”

 

“Oh,  _ really?”  _ she grins. Erin nods, smiling. “Interesting. I’ll have to remember that one.”

 

“Oh, god, I need to get dressed,” she suddenly seems to remember. 

 

“Also, you might want to brush your hair,” Holtz adds. “Major sex hair situation going on there.”

 

She watches Erin reach up, grimacing as she attempts to pull her fingers through her hair, and god, she is just so  _ cute.  _

 

It’s hard for Holtz to think back to a time when she wasn’t in love with Erin. She feels like it’s been forever. Telling Erin that she simply  _ likes  _ her… it almost feels like lying. The biggest understatement in the entire world. But she doesn’t want to mess this up. She never expected this to actually happen. And now that it’s happened… it’s exhilarating and terrifying at the exact same time.

 

There’s a noise from downstairs. They’re no longer alone in the firehouse.

 

“I’m gonna head down there,” Holtz says. “Take your time.”

 

“Thanks,” Erin smiles.

 

She turns towards the door.

 

“Hey, Holtz?”

 

She turns back. 

 

“Um…,” Erin begins, glancing down at the floor, and then back at her. “Thank you… for last night. Bringing me to bed and everything. And um. Also for...this morning.”

 

“No problem,” she smiles.

 

She thinks that her entire chest might explode, and if it does, it’ll be the happiest death that she could possibly imagine.


	12. Waking Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Kayla, don't you think it's sort of unfair to skip over at least twenty prompts to write one that was sent to you just a few days ago?"
> 
> "I mean, yeah, it is, I admit that, but--"
> 
> "What happened to doing them in the order you received them?"
> 
> "I was _trying_! Really! I was! But I saw this one and I just immediately knew exactly what I could write and it was just so easy to get it out!"
> 
> "But you acknowledge that it's both unfair and uncool?"
> 
> "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
> 
> Whoops.
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:** Instead of "morning after 1st time" but like 2nd or 3rd, then 5th or 6th, or 20th, etc. morning afters where Holtzmann gets less bumbling and less nervous (which is super cute) each time. Like, she finally wakes up with Erin in her bed and can really believe it's happening.

She wakes up in the middle of the night. She’s in a bed that isn’t hers. She’s in a room that isn’t hers. It isn’t the most unfamiliar situation, and her first instinct is that she should probably leave soon and get back to her own bed in her own room. But then she remembers where she is. And who she’s with.

 

It’s the second time she’s woken up next to Erin.

 

It’s still just as completely unbelievable as the first. 

 

It’s dark, but there’s enough light from the streetlamps outside and her eyes have long since adjusted, and when she looks at her, she sees her sleeping with her hair messy and her lips slightly parted, breathing deeply, her eyelids and eyelashes twitching every so often. 

 

She’s beautiful.

 

She wants to touch her, to trace her fingertips over every feature, to memorize every single thing about her face, not just how it looks -- she thinks she’s memorized that a long time ago -- but how it  _ feels _ . But she doesn’t. She doesn’t want to wake her. 

 

She’s in Erin’s bed. In Erin’s room. At Erin’s apartment. 

 

She repeats this information over to herself several times. Erin’s bed. Erin’s room. Erin’s apartment. Next to Erin . In Erin’s bed. In Erin’s room. At Erin’s apartment.

 

She almost laughs, but she doesn’t. 

 

Erin is awake. She can tell because she’s breathing differently, but her eyes don’t open, and she doesn’t move, until she does. Erin turns so that she’s facing Holtz completely, and she opens her eyes, looking up at her.

 

“Hi,” Holtz says. It seems to be the only thing she can think of to say in these moments.

 

“Have you been awake this whole time?” Erin asks, her voice still thick with sleep. 

 

“No,” she shakes her head.

 

“You’re staring at me.”

 

Guilty.

 

“Yeah,” she admits.

 

“Why?”

 

She can hardly figure out exactly what it is that she’s feeling for herself let alone put it into words. She tries to explain it in the most simple way that she can.

 

“Because you’re next to me in a bed and I can hardly believe my eyes and I just really like looking at you.”

 

“Okay,” Erin says, and she smiles.

 

*

 

She wakes up and the sun is out and it’s a Friday and the alarm is going to go off soon, but there’s still about twenty minutes left (and the three or four five-minute intervals of ‘snoozing’ that Holtz has learned that Erin relies on every morning). Erin is asleep and she’s still wearing the makeup she wore the night before on their date --  _ date!  _ A real, actual date! -- but it’s slightly smudged now.

 

She thinks about how comfortable she’s become with being in this bed and in this room, despite the previous night being only her first real date with the woman still sleeping beside her. Sex on the first date. She tries not to laugh, but she fails. It’s soft, though. Erin barely stirs. 

 

She thinks about their hands and t how it feels when they’re entwined. She thinks about that blue dress that Erin was wearing last night, and how easily it slid from her body. And the way that she’d matched her bra and panties, the way she’d smirked when Holtz became instantly breathless at the sight (not that she minds mismatched underthings, or mismatched  _ anything  _ for that matter, but  _ goddamn.)  _ She thinks about the way Erin’s skin feels under her fingers, under her lips, the way that she lets out little gasps when Holtz explores her body. 

 

She snakes an arm around Erin’s waist, nuzzling into her, pressing her lips against her neck, her jaw, her earlobe, her cheek. Erin makes a noise, a soft groan followed by an even softer sigh, her hand grabs at Holtz’s arm.

 

“What...you…,” she mumbles, not fully awake. Holtz smiles against her skin.

 

“I just thought of a better way to wake you up than an alarm,” Holtz tells her. 

 

“Uhh. ‘Kay.”

 

She slides down Erin’s body.

 

“Oh,” she gasps. Definitely more awake. “Oh. Okay.”

 

*

 

She wakes up late. It’s a rare occurrence for her. It usually only takes one alarm and she’s up, and that’s only if her internal clock doesn’t wake her up before that. But the day before had been rather exhausting, and then they’d been out late -- admittedly a little too late for a Sunday -- and there had been drinking and dancing, and then….

 

Erin is still fully asleep, despite the many alarms that they both seem to have just slept right through.

 

It probably isn’t the best idea for them to both show up late to work, considering that the other two still don’t know about their relationship. Or. Well. Abby doesn’t know. Patty does.

 

And their relationship… that’s what it is. A  _ relationship.  _

 

She looks at her girlfriend. Because that’s what she gets to call her now. Her  _ girlfriend. _ That’s what she is. Girlfriend. Girlfriend.  _ Girlfriend. _

 

It’s still all pretty fucking mindblowing.

 

She reaches out, nudges her gently.

 

“Hey,” she says. “We gotta get up.”

 

A heavy sigh passes Erin’s lips and she opens her eyes just a fraction, then closes them again.

 

“Can you invent something that pauses time?” Erin mumbles. “Want more sleep.”

 

“I could try,” Holtz tells her, leaning in towards her, pressing a kiss to her forehead, her cheek, her nose. “But I don’t think I can have it done in the next hour.”

 

“Try harder.”

 

“Okay,” she smiles. “Hey, you know what I was just thinking?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“That I have the prettiest girlfriend in the whole world.”

 

“Mm, I dunno,” Erin says, a smile spreading over her lips, her eyes still closed. “‘Cause I’m pretty sure that  _ I  _ do _. _ ”

 

“How can you even be certain? You don’t even have your eyes open,” Holtz points out. Erin opens her eyes just as Holtz tucks her chin into her neck, crosses her eyes, pulls the ugliest face that she can manage. Erin snorts a laugh.

 

“I win,” she says. “I definitely have the prettiest girlfriend.”

 

*

 

She wakes up after Erin. Because of Erin. She’s very much asleep, but then there is the unmistakable sound of a cell phone camera, followed by Erin’s whispered murmurings of “Shoot, shoot,  _ nooo.” _

 

She cracks open an eyelid. Erin has her phone in her hands.

 

“Stupid,  _ stupid... _ thought sound was  _ off.” _

 

“Whataya doin’?” Holtz grumbles out, her words muffled by her pillow.

 

“Nothing!” she yelps, tossing her phone aside. Holtz hears it tumble to the floor with a  _ thud.  _ She furrows her eyebrows, lifting her head to look at her girlfriend who is smiling in a very fake way and staring at the wall. Holtz pushes hair out of her face, unsticking some of it from her cheek, wiping away the dried-up drool that had plastered it there.

 

“Erin… what were you just taking a picture of?”

 

“Picture? What?” she laughs. “No, I, I, uh...not...what?”

 

“Erin….”

 

“I just. You’re usually awake before me,” she says, looking at her again.

 

“Yeah…?”

 

“I’ve just, um, never really seen you really asleep.”

 

“Uh-huh….”

 

“And it’s just...really...um.”

 

“Angelic?” Holtz offers with a grin. Erin laughs and shakes her head.

 

“Kind of the opposite of that.”

 

“...Demonic?”

 

“Yeah,” she nods. “That.”

 

“Oh,” she frowns. “And you...wanted to take a picture and capture it forever?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“...Why?”

 

“Because, um,” she laughs. “Seeing you look so ugly makes me really, really happy.”

 

“Oh, come on,” Holtz scoffs. “It can’t be that bad.”

 

“Oh, it’s pretty bad,” Erin assures her.

 

“Let me see the picture.”

 

“No,” she shakes her head. “Because then you’ll try to delete it and I want to keep it forever.”

 

“I will not try to delete it.”

 

“You’re gonna try to delete it.”

 

“I promise I won’t.”

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“Come  _ on,  _ Erin,” she whines. “Just show me the picture! Here, I’ll put my hands under my body so I can’t try to delete it.”

 

“ _ Fine _ ,” she finally gives in. Holtz tucks her hands underneath her back, watches as Erin leans off the side of the bed, coming back with her phone, and she shows Holtz the picture.

 

And yeah. It’s pretty bad.

 

“Wow. That’s...rough.”

 

Erin can only laugh.

 

“Yeah, you’re gonna need to delete that.”

 

“No!”

 

“Yeah,” Holtz nods, quickly pulling her hands out from underneath her and lunging towards the phone, but Erin is too fast, and she’s lying on her stomach, the phone pressed between her and the mattress.

 

“Oh, come on, you think I don’t know how to win in this situation?” she asks, sitting up and crawling close to Erin, fingers reaching to her sides, beginning to tickle her. Erin squeals, trying to bend her arms awkwardly backwards to swat Holtz away, body squirming but not moving from on top of her cell phone.

 

“Stop! Stop it! Stop it!” she gasps out, and Holtz does, but then she lays her body directly on top of Erin’s.

 

“Okay, I stopped,” she says.

 

“What is this? What are you doing?”

 

“Oh, I’m just…,” she mumbles, flattening her hand, beginning to slide it under Erin’s stomach.

 

“No!” Erin yells, rocking her body from side to side, trying to throw Holtz off of her. It works. Holtz topples onto the bed beside Erin, but she barely lets a second pass before she’s back to tickling her. Erin is gasping and wheezing again, trying to push Holtz away, failing.

 

And then Erin farts. And Holtz freezes, her mouth falling open and then spreading into a grin so wide that it’s already making her face hurt. Erin is also frozen, her eyes wide, cheeks pink, and when Holtz begins to giggle, pointing at her, Erin buries her face in the pillow. 

 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Erin grumbles, her voice muffled.

 

“Oh my god,  _ finally!”  _ Holtz laughs. “This is the best morning  _ of my life!” _

 

“Shut  _ up. _ ”

 

“Erin,” Holtz says, leaning in so that she’s speaking right into Erin’s ear. “Erin. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to fart in front of me?”

 

“Do  _ you  _ have any idea how  _ weird  _ that is?!” comes her muffled response.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so happy.”

 

“ _ Please stop.” _

 

“Okay. Fine. I’ll stop talking about your fart if you delete the picture.”

 

Erin lifts her head from the pillow, looking at her. Their faces are still very close together. She doesn’t say anything as she pulls her phone out from under her chest. She angles her phone away so that Holtz can’t see the screen.

 

“Okay,” she says. “Fine. You can delete it. But only after I….”

 

She taps the screen a few times. Holtz watches her with raised eyebrows.

 

“Aaand... _ sent.” _

 

“Sent?” Holtz repeats.

 

“Okay. You can delete it now,” she says, handing the phone easily to Holtz. She takes it.

 

“You...sent it…” she glares up at her. “Oh, you’re gonna regret that.”

 

And with that, she tosses the phone aside, pouncing onto Erin, tickling her again. Erin screams, and then they’re both laughing wildly.

 

*

 

She wakes up to the sound of rain against the window. She looks at the clock. Just past three in the morning. By the time they have to leave for work, the rain will have turned into ice on the sidewalk. She’s already dreading it.

 

There’s an arm wrapped around her, a body pressed against her, warm and soft and perfect for a middle-of-the-night winter rainstorm. She lets out a soft sigh of absolute contentedness, curling up even closer to Erin’s body. The arm around her tightens.

 

She’ll think about her slippery commute later, when she actually has to deal with it.

 

*

 

She wakes up in a bed that is (technically, partially) hers, in a room that is (technically, partially) hers, in an apartment that is (technically, partially) hers.

 

She lives here now. In this apartment. With Erin.

 

Erin, still asleep beside her. Erin, who asked her to move in with her. Erin, who Holtz is absolutely completely madly in love with, who somehow loves her back -- and she still really can’t quite grasp that fact, despite all of the evidence that it is true.

 

She looks at her face. Beautiful and peaceful and calm and the most spectacular thing that Holtz has ever seen.

 

She smiles, closing her eyes again, and falls back to sleep.

 

*

 

She wakes up with stinging eyes. She doesn’t understand why, at first, but then she remembers the night before.

 

It had all been so  _ stupid.  _

 

Not the initial discussion. The initial discussion had been pretty important, pretty necessary to have. What was stupid was how they had let it turn into much more than a simple discussion. It didn’t need to be all that. The yelling wasn’t at all necessary. It didn’t need to turn into what it had turned into.

 

And all about the  _ cat _ . The  _ cat.  _ Of all things to have their first real fight about,  _ the cat. _

 

It was pretty typical, too, how it all played out. Erin argued logic (“Can you just  _ think  _ about this for a second?!”). Holtz argued passion (“I don’t  _ need  _ to  _ think  _ about anything! There’s nothing to think about!”)

 

“Holtz. Babe, listen. I know… I know you care about her a lot, but the surgery is  _ really expensive _ , and it might not even work.”

 

“So,  _ what?  _ We just put her down instead?”

 

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

 

“Then what  _ are  _ you saying? Because that’s what it sounds like to me.”

 

Neither one of them meant for it to get as out of hand as it did. Accusations about being too impulsive (bringing the cat home in the first place), accusations about being selfish (yeah, Holtz regretted that one as soon as she said it), accusations about not actually listening to what the other was saying (from both of them, both of them correct.)

 

It was stupid. Stupid, stupid,  _ stupid. _

 

It ended with both of them crying. Holtz had started crying pretty early on, though, because this was  _ Ruth  _ that they were talking about. The sweet little kitten that she’d found trapped and alone by the dumpster, with the injured leg that the vet  _ said  _ was going to heal. The vet  _ said  _ that she was going to be fine. But the vet was wrong.

 

They had apologized to each other, of course, because they both knew how stupid it was that they had let it get like that. They had apologized and gone to bed completely exhausted from the whole ordeal.

 

She looks at Erin and she’s still asleep, and she’s frowning, and she looks significantly less peaceful than she usually does. It makes Holtz’s chest ache.

 

“Erin,” she says, wrapping herself around her. “Erin, wake up.”

 

“Hmph,” she groans. “What?”

 

“I love you,” she tells her, nuzzling her face into her neck. “I love you and I’m sorry and I love you.”

 

“Holtz…,” she says, turning her body slightly so that she’s pressed against her, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “Holtz, I know. I love you, too. And I’m sorry, too.”

 

“I didn’t mean a lot of the things I said.”

 

“I know you didn’t. And neither did I.”

 

“I love you. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry.”

 

“Holtz,” she sighs, and Holtz feels Erin begin to run her fingers through her hair.

 

“I love you so much,” she clings onto her even tighter. “I never want-- I don’t-- I...don't like… I’m sorry. I never want to do that again.”

 

“Neither do I.”

 

“We’re gonna be okay, right?” she asks timidly, her voice soft, and she isn’t sure that Erin can even hear her, but then Erin’s hand stops moving in her hair and she feels her shifting her body again.

 

“Of course we are,” she says. “Holtz, look at me.”

 

She does, tilting her head up just enough to be able to see her face, peering down at her.

 

“What would make you think that we wouldn’t be okay?” she asks her. Holtz shrugs.

 

“I dunno,” she mumbles.

 

“It was… we had a fight. That’s it. Just a fight. It wasn’t even a big fight.”

 

“Felt like a big one,” she says.

 

“Well, I guess compared to all of the other nonexistent ones, yeah, it was pretty big. But even so… I don’t think we’re so fragile that one fight would…,” she trails off.

 

Holtz presses her face into Erin’s neck again, heaving a heavy sigh. Erin resumes running her fingers through her hair.

 

“I just…,” Holtz begins, takes a deep breath in, and then changes her mind about speaking, shakes her head instead.

 

“What?” Erin asks gently. She shakes her head again. “What is it, Holtz? Talk to me.”

 

“Its stupid.”

 

“It probably isn’t.”

 

“It’s just that,” she shrugs. “I dunno. Sometimes like, I still have a hard time believing that you actually even like me at all to begin with so like every time I do something stupid or when I say things I don’t mean I just think that you might start to wonder why you put up with me at all, and I was especially stupid and said a lot of things I didn’t mean, so, I don’t know. I don’t know.”

 

She says this all very quickly and very softly, mumbled and poorly enunciated, and she doesn’t expect Erin to catch it all, and she’s okay with that.

 

“Hey. Look at me.”

 

Gentle fingers touch her cheek, and she looks at Erin again who is look back at her, her eyebrows knitted together, mouth drawn into a slight frown.

 

“I love you, Jillian. Okay? I am in love with you and that isn’t going to change. So you’d better get used to it. I don’t know what I can do to drill it into your brain how much I love you, but I’ll do it, whatever it is. Because I love you. And I don’t have to  _ put up  _ with you, because I love every single thing about you. Even the things that drive me crazy. Okay? I love you.  _ I love you.  _ Got it?”

 

She can only nod. Erin presses a kiss to her forehead.

 

“Good,” she says, and then sighs. “I gotta get up.”

 

“Why?” Holtz frowns, tightening her grip on her.

 

“Need to call the vet’s. Make an appointment for Ruth’s surgery. The sooner, the better, right?”

 

She nods, a small smile creeping onto her lips.

 

“She’s gonna make it, y’know. She’s gonna be okay. She’s a tough little kitty.”

 

“I know she is,” Erin agrees. “I know.”

 

*

 

She wakes up with Erin’s body draped over her, the two of them squished into a twin bed in Erin’s old bedroom in Michigan. The morning sun reflects off of all of the snow outside and the room is bright, all of Erin’s teenage interests on display. 

 

Originally, they were supposed to have the guest bedroom, but that was before Erin’s Aunt Martha and Uncle Jim decided to  _ also  _ visit for Christmas. And then, they were going to sleep on the pull-out sofa in the living room, except that as soon as they had pulled it out, one side completely collapsed, rendering it useless. Erin’s father had offered them his bed, saying that he could sleep in the twin bed instead, since it was just him, but they wouldn’t allow it. So, that’s how they ended up cramped together, Holtz on her back, Erin on Holtz’s chest, their legs entwined, and it isn’t exactly  _ comfortable.  _ But it’s only for a few days.

 

Erin seems to wake almost as soon as Holtz does, groaning and stretching her limbs as much as she can. 

 

Holtz sniffs the air. Something sweet wafts in.

 

“What is that delectable scent?” she asks. Erin breathes in deeply, then smiles.

 

“Cinnamon rolls,” she says. “My mom used to make them every Christmas morning.”

 

They both inhale again, and then Erin rests her head on Holtz’s chest again.

 

“It’s weird, being here without her,” she sighs.

 

“I know,” Holtz tells her, because she does know.

 

“Last Christmas was easier… easier to ignore, I guess.”

 

“Yeah,” she nods. “Your dad’s really happy that you’re here, though.”

 

“Yeah,” she agrees. 

 

“Your aunt and uncle are, uh… _ interesting.” _

 

“Oh, god,” she groans. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” she laughs. “Can’t control who you’re related to.”

 

“My dad  _ told them  _  that I was coming with my  _ girlfriend. _ I don’t know why they were so surprised.”

 

“Just imagine the family gossip.”

 

“I’m sure they’ll have a really great time telling the story to my cousins.”

 

“You won’t  _ believe  _ what happened!” Holtz imitates an exaggerated southern accent. “ _ Erin  _ is a  _ lesbian  _ now!  _ And!  _ She brought her  _ lesbian Jewish girlfriend  _ home for  _ Christmas! Imagine  _ what Baby Jesus would say!”

 

“Okay,  _ nobody  _ in my family talks like that,” Erin says, laughing into Holtz’s chest. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even  _ met  _ someone who talks like that.”

 

“Okay, well, I’m sorry that I haven’t yet perfected my Michigan accent. Southern was the next best thing.”

 

Erin sighs.

 

“I never cared for them much anyways. I don’t care what they think.”

 

“Good. You shouldn’t.”

 

“My dad likes you a lot, you know.”

 

“Yeah?” Holtz smiles. Erin nods.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good. I’m glad that he likes me.”

 

“Yeah, me too,” she says with a smile, lifting her head, leaning in to kiss her softly. She pulls away, keeps her gaze locked on Holtz, smiling at her.

 

“What?” Holtz laughs. 

 

“Oh, nothing,” she says, sighing softly. “Just thinking about how much I love my lesbian Jewish girlfriend.”

 

*

 

She wakes up surrounded by cats. There are only two, but they are both on her pillow on either side of her head, and she feels surrounded. She’s in a bed with two cats and a pretty girl, and she’s woken up like this many times now but it feels like it still might be a scene out of somebody else’s life.

 

She reaches for Erin. She can’t see her because there’s a cat in the way, but she just has to move her hand, and she can feel her there beside her. 

 

She thinks that this might be the happiest she’s ever been.

 

*

 

She wakes up in the firehouse. It’s been a long time since she’s woken up in the firehouse. She used to sleep here almost every night. It had just been easier. But she can’t remember the last time she fell asleep here before last night.

 

Erin is beside her, the blanket pulled up over her shoulders. There’s no heat in this room of the firehouse. She had forgotten that. She wraps herself around Erin. Erin cuddles closer.

 

Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t be allowed. Them, together in this room. In the firehouse at all. Patty and Abby had made rules about that  _ ages  _ ago, and for the most part, Holtz and Erin have respected those rules. But this was different. Last night was different. It had only felt right to stay here. The same place where it all started, stuff like that. 

 

Erin’s eyes flutter open, looking at Holtz. Holtz feels her heartbeat speed up. Even now. After everything. 

 

“Hi,” Erin smiles.

 

“Hi,” Holtz says.

 

“Hi,” Erin says again.

 

“You said that already,” she tells her.

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

She kisses her.

 

*

 

She wakes up long after she usually does. Somewhere close to noon. They’d gone to bed late, and the day before had been so exhausting, and neither of them have to go into work today -- had been forbidden to go into work, actually --so, sleeping until almost noon seems perfectly acceptable.

 

Erin is still wearing her makeup from the day before, red lipstick smudged down her chin, mascara on her cheeks. Her hair is still partially in her elegant updo, large pieces of it unpinned and falling out. She went to sleep in just her underthings. So did Holtz. She didn’t bother taking her hair down, either. 

 

She thinks that Erin is the most stunning human that she has ever laid eyes on. She is in absolute awe that this is who she gets to wake up next to every morning.

 

She props her head up on her hand, resting on her elbow, gazing down at Erin. She uses her free hand to push some of Erin's bangs out of her eyes. Erin lets out a low breath, the corners of her lips twitching up into a smile.

 

“Morning,” she says without opening her eyes.

 

“Afternoon,” Holtz corrects.

 

“Really?” she asks, eyes opening. Holtz nods.

 

“Hey,” she says softly. “You know what I was just thinking?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“That I have the prettiest wife in the whole world.”

 

“Mm, I dunno,” Erin says through a yawn. “‘Cause I think that  _ I  _ do _.” _

 

“Well, you’re wrong,” Holtz tells her. Erin grins.

 

“Guess what,” she says.

 

“What?” Holtz asks.

 

“We’re  _ married.” _

 

“We totally are, aren’t we?! You  _ married  _ me.”

 

“Hell yeah, I did,” Erin exclaims. Then she yawns again. “And we spent our first night as a married couple  _ sleeping. _ ”

 

“It was kind of awesome though, wasn’t it?”

 

“It was, actually.”

 

“We have plenty of time to consummate our marriage. In fact, we can start consummating today!”

 

“I would love to. But first, can we order some food? I’m so hungry.”

 

“Yes. Yes, absolutely. What do you want?” she asks her.

 

“I dunno,” Erin shrugs. “How about tacos?”

 

*

 

She wakes up early. She loves it when she wakes up early. She loves it when she gets to watch Erin sleep.

 

She catches her sometimes, though. This morning included.

 

“Stop staring at me, Holtz,” she says without even opening her eyes.

 

“I am  _ not. _ ”

 

“You are,” she smiles.

 

“Okay,  _ fine,  _ I am,” she admits. “I can’t help it, though! I just can’t believe that I get to wake up next to you!”

 

“Holtz, we’ve been married for  _ three years. _ You woke up next to me yesterday. And the day before that. And you’re gonna wake up next to me tomorrow. And the day after that. And guess what? You’re gonna wake up next to me the day after that, too.”

 

“You promise?”

 

She laughs.

 

“Yeah, Holtz," she says. "I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I don't think Holtz will ever wake up with Erin in her bed and really believe it's happening ;) !


	13. Meeting Mr. Gilbert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!! Oh my goodness! Hi! Hello! It has been a very very very very long time!!!
> 
> Sooo. I've been working on a little bit of a surprise for the Bits & Pieces universe. (It is not actually a surprise at all if you follow me on any social media. And it's also not hard to figure out what it might be if you don't follow me on social media. Really not hard to guess.) But before I posted that, I wanted to fulfill a few more prompts that have been sitting in my inbox for AGES. Sort of get myself and you guys back into this universe, I guess? 
> 
> I really did not realize just how much I missed these particular versions of Holtz and Erin until I started playing with them again. I really, really, really fuckin' missed them.
> 
> Anyways. Let's get back into it, shall we?
> 
> **Prompt:** Holtz meets Erin's dad.

Erin keeps checking her watch. Keeps checking her phone. Keeps checking the incoming flight status board that she has stationed herself close to. She looks again for the third time in less than five minutes.

 

AZO to JFK. On schedule. She checks her watch. It should be landing any minute. She checks her phone to make sure that she hasn’t missed any calls. Nothing.

 

She really didn’t even need to come to the airport. Her father had insisted that he could find his way to a cab all on his own. After all, he and her mother had visited her quite a few times over the years and they'd never needed her to come and get them from the airport.

 

It’s different this time, though. It’s different because it’s just her dad. He’s by himself. It’s the first time she’s seeing him since she was in Michigan for her mother’s funeral. She felt obligated to pick him up from the airport. Like it was the right thing to do.

 

But she’s nervous. Nervous because it’s her first time seeing him since her mother’s funeral and she really isn’t sure  _ how  _ he’s been doing. She’s also nervous because she’s going to be introducing him to Holtz. She’s going to be introducing him to her girlfriend. She’s going to be  _ telling him  _ that she  _ has  _ a girlfriend. 

 

Her phone buzzes in her hand and it startles her. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“Sweetheart, hi! The plane just landed!”

 

“Oh, okay! Okay, great! Um...do you want me to meet you at your gate or at baggage claim?”

 

“I didn’t check any bags. You can just come to the gate.”

 

“Okay. Alright. I’ll see you soon!”

 

The thing that Erin had found out about living long-distance from her parents and only seeing them every so often, was that every single time she did see them, she would always be surprised at how  _ old  _ they looked. Even though it made sense. Even though it was perfectly logical. Even though she understood how the passage of time  _ worked,  _ it would still always surprise her. So when she sees her father with his greying hair and his glasses and the wrinkles that only used to appear on his forehead when he was concerned but are now a permanent feature -- her very first thought is  _ when did my dad get so old?  _

 

He looks thinner than when she last saw him. Feels thinner, too, when he wraps her up in a hug. She knows that her mother was the main cook in their house. She worries about him. But she doesn’t mention it, just hugs him, tell him that she’s happy to see him, happy that he’s there, and they leave the airport together to get a cab.

 

“Okay, so I figure we can go to my place first, obviously, and drop off your things, and then maybe we could go to the firehouse-- um, to my work. I really want you to see it and to meet my colleagues-- and Abby, too, of course, because you know Abby-- and uh, I mean, unless you want to get something to eat first, because we can do that-- oh, and I thought that we could eat in tonight, because um, I have a uh, well, um--”

 

“Sweetheart, that all sounds fine. I can’t wait to see where you work.”

 

That’s what they do. They go to Erin’s apartment, where her dad is staying with her, and she carries his suitcase up the flights of stairs, constantly pausing to make sure that her dad is doing okay. When they leave again to go to the firehouse, Erin asks if he’d rather take a cab instead of the train, but her dad just laughs, saying that the train is perfectly fine.

 

When they get to the firehouse, Erin shows him around, introducing him to Kevin and taking him on a brief tour of the first floor. 

 

“Is that a Mr. Frank Gilbert I hear?”

 

“Why! Ms. Abigail Yates!” Erin’s dad exclaims, laughing and opening his arms, and Abby hurries towards him, hugging him tightly. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

 

“You too,” she agrees, pulling away.

 

“Oh, Dad, this is Patty,” Erin says, gesturing towards her. “She is our resident history buff. We’d be lost without her.”

 

“So nice to meet you, Mr. Gilbert,” Patty says, stepping forward with an outstretched hand.

 

“Oh, please, call me Frank.”

 

“Okay. Frank.”

 

“Is Holtz upstairs?” Erin asks.

 

“No,” Abby shakes her head. “She went out somewhere.”

 

“Oh, okay,” she frowns. “Well, uh. That’s fine. We’ll see her tonight.”

 

She shows her dad around the second floor quickly, not getting too close to Holtz’s lab area, and then going back downstairs. 

 

“Where is Holtz?” Erin asks Abby quietly while her dad is in the midst of a conversation with Patty. Abby shrugs.

 

“Not sure. She was pacing around all morning. It was driving me crazy. I told her that she needed to cut it out, so she went out somewhere, saying something about  _ stress relief.  _ So she’s probably either looking through a dumpster somewhere or blowing things up.”

 

“Let’s hope it’s the first option,” Erin says. “What is she stressed about?”

 

“Uh,” Abby laughs. “She’s nervous about meeting your dad. Duh.”

 

“She is?”

 

“Of  _ course  _ she is. This is Holtz we’re talking about here. She’s never really even been in a serious relationship before. She’s never met a girl’s parents. Of course she’s nervous.”

 

“Oh,” Erin frowns. She’d been so caught up in her own nervousness that she hadn’t really even thought about Holtz’s. She hadn’t really thought much about anything after the actual introduction part. The part where she has to tell her father that she’s in a relationship with a woman.

 

A  _ serious  _ relationship with a woman. It’s not like she’s been unaware that their relationship is serious, but to hear Abby say it like that out loud puts a different perspective on it. A serious relationship. She smiles.

 

“Everything’s gonna be fine. Right?” she asks.

 

“It’s gonna be fine,” Abby nods. 

 

Erin and her father spend the rest of the afternoon doing things around the city, going to a few tourist spots, and finally heading back towards Erin’s apartment in the early evening.

 

She’s texted Holtz a few times, the last exchange being Holtz letting her know that she’s already at her place, getting things ready. The closer they get to her apartment, the more nervous Erin becomes. Her hands shake as they enter the building, her stomach erupting with an unpleasant swarm of butterflies. 

 

“So, Dad,” Erin says as they walk up the stairs, her voice shaky, her words a little bit too fast. “You know how I mentioned having dinner in tonight? Um. Well, uh. There’s someone-- I wanted you to meet my um-- I have a, uh-- my, uh-- um.”

 

They reach her door. She hasn’t actually said anything substantial and her father is looking at her with confusion, waiting for her to spit some actual words out.

 

“There’s someone inside that I want you to meet,” she finally manages. “She got here before us and um, she ordered food and everything, so…”

 

She nods, doesn’t wait for a response, just grabs hold of the door and opens it. She can smell the Italian food that was recently delivered and she looks towards the kitchen, at the small table, sees everything all laid out, out of the take-out containers and onto actual dishes. And then she sees Holtz. Standing at the kitchen counter, uncorking a bottle of wine.

 

Just seeing her makes Erin feel significantly more calm. She lets out a breath. Holtz turns around and she smiles.

 

Her outfit is fairly toned-down. A simple button-down top tucked into a pair of high-waisted trousers, her hair tied back with a flowery scarf. Erin smiles. She’s happy to see her.

 

“Hi,” Holtz says, hurrying out of the kitchen, towards where Erin stands with her dad.

 

“Hello,” her dad responds cheerfully.

 

“Um, Dad,” Erin says, and she turns so that she’s facing him, so that she’s directly beside Holtz. She’s nervous. Holtz lightly touches the back of her elbow. She knows that it’s a gesture of encouragement. “This is...This is my girlfriend. Hol--” she pauses, looks towards Holtz. “Holtz….mann?”

 

“Jillian,” Holtz says, reaching her hand out towards Erin’s dad.

 

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says, shaking her hand. Erin blinks. Waits for some sort of reaction. But her dad just smiles, shakes Holtz’s hand, and then he looks at the table and at the two of them again.

 

“The food smells terrific,” he comments. “I’m just going to go wash my hands real quick.”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” Erin nods, watching as he heads towards the bathroom. Holtz turns to look at her.

 

“Did you...did you already tell him? Earlier? Or...something?”

 

“No,” she shakes her head, more than a little stunned.

 

“That was…. Did… did he hear you correctly? Is his hearing okay?”

 

“His hearing is fine,” she says. “He just. I… I don’t know. I guess he’s okay with it.”

 

She smiles, lets out a small laugh.

 

“That was so much easier than I thought it would be!”

 

When her dad comes back out they sit down to eat. And it’s fine. Everything is perfectly pleasant and going well. He and Holtz discuss her work. He’s interested in it, asks questions about the various machinery and weapons that they use, and Holtz is happy to answer. They talk. They joke. It’s fine.

 

There’s a lull in the conversation as they are finishing their meal. A lengthy bit of silence. And then her dad speaks.

 

“So, Erin…” he says with a smile. “I...well, I couldn’t help but notice that you have two toothbrushes in your bathroom.”

 

“Oh, um,” Erin laughs, looking down at the table, feeling her cheeks grow warm. “Well, I mean….”

 

“Does that mean that you’re...dating somebody?”

 

Beside her, Holtz’s fork falls from her hand and onto her plate with a clatter. Erin freezes. Holtz stutters out an apology about the fork and the noise. Her dad keeps looking at her.

 

“Um…,” she says slowly.

 

“Of course, I don’t mean to pry. If it’s nothing serious and it’s none of my business, that’s fine.”

 

“Dad….”

 

“I um. I need to...bathroom,” Holtz stammers, standing up very quickly. “Bathroom. Be right…. Be back.”

 

Erin tries to shoot her a glare, but she’s gone before she can. 

 

“Is she okay?” her dad asks.

 

“Um. Probably not,” she answers, looking up at him. “Dad. What-- _ why.  _ Why would you ask me that?”

 

“Ask you what? About the...the toothbrush?” he asks, sounding genuinely lost. Erin stares at him. Tries to understand what’s happening. 

 

“Dad. I…”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cross a line. I just like to know what’s going on in your life, you know.”

 

“ _ Dad,”  _ she says again. “I literally  _ just  _ introduced you to my girlfriend.  _ Yes,  _ I’m dating somebody.  _ Holtz.  _ I’m dating  _ Holtz--  _ sorry,  _ Jillian.  _ Jillian is my girlfriend. I am in a relationship with Jillian.”

 

Her father stares at her with a blank expression. And then he laughs.

 

He  _ laughs. _

 

And Erin is caught entirely off guard. She narrows her eyes, tilting her head to one side,  _ entirely lost. _

 

“What…?”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” he continues to laugh. “When you introduced her, you said  _ girlfriend _ but I thought-- I thought you meant girlfriend like  _ girl friend  _ like in the platonic way.”

 

“Oh my god,” she cringes. “That’s why you had  _ no reaction.” _

 

“Oh,” he laughs, shaking his head. “And I really wasn’t sure-- I mean, I thought it was very nice that your friend was having dinner with us, but now it makes  _ a lot more sense.  _ Oh, I’m so sorry, Erin. I feel like an idiot.”

 

“Wait, so… you… you’re okay with it?” she asks. His laughter dies down and he looks at her from across the table.

 

“How long have you been with her?”

 

“About five months.”

 

“And it’s serious?” he asks. Erin nods.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“She’s good to you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And she makes you happy?”

 

“Yeah, Dad,” she nods, a smile spreading over her face. “She makes me very happy.”

 

“Then of course I’m okay with it,” he says. “Do you remember the woman that I used to work with. Cheryl? I think you met her a couple of times…”

 

“Um. I think I do.”

 

“We’re friends on Facebook. Her daughter is gay. She got married to her wife last year.”

 

“Oh,” Erin smiles. “That’s nice.”

 

“And they just adopted a baby. They seem very happy,” he says, and then he sighs. “You know, your mother and I always sort of wondered….”

 

“Wondered...wondered what?” Erin asks.

 

“About you… If you were….”

 

“ _ What?”  _

 

“When you were in high school and even college, you and Abby were  _ very  _ close. And neither of you ever had boyfriends or showed very much interest in boys--”

 

“That’s because we were  _ nerds,  _ Dad,” she laughs. 

 

“Even so! You never brought any boyfriends home-- we met that one once when we came to visit, but then you broke up, what, two weeks later?”

 

“Ugh, yes, don’t remind me,” she grimaces. 

 

“We just always thought that maybe,  _ maybe…?” _

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” he nods. “It was your mother who first brought it up. Probably when you were in high school.”

 

“And she...I mean...she was…?”

 

“Worried about what it might mean for you since you already, well….”

 

“Didn’t fit in?” she suggests. Her dad nods.

 

“Right. But overall… We always wanted what was best for you. You know that, right?”

 

“Yes, Dad. I know.”

 

“Even if we maybe didn’t always go about it the best way.”

 

“Dad, I know. We’ve gone through all of this before.”

 

“I know, I know,” he sighs. “I’m trying to say that… your mother would have been happy that you are happy.”

 

Erin smiles.

 

“Uh, is Jillian...okay?”

 

“Oh, right, she’s hiding in the bathroom,” Erin says, turning in the direction of the bathroom. “Holtz! The uncomfortable part is over. You can come back now!”

 

The bathroom door opens and Holtz emerges, slowly walking back towards the kitchen.

 

“Jillian, I have to apologize,” Erin’s dad says. “I misunderstood Erin during our introduction and I’m very sorry. Perhaps we should start over? Pretend the first introduction never happened? Do it all over again?”

 

“Dad, we don’t have to do that,” Erin shakes her head.

 

“No, come on, let him,” Holtz encourages.

 

“Okay. Fine. Dad, this is Jillian. She’s my girlfriend.”

 

“Jillian!” her dad exclaims, and he actually stands up from his chair, moves around the table so that he’s close to Holtz. Erin can’t help but laugh. “So  _ you’re  _ the Jillian that my Erin won’t stop talking about, huh? It’s nice to finally meet you.”

 

And Holtz plays right along, enthusiastically shaking his hand.

 

“Nice to finally meet you, too, Mr. Gilbert,” she grins.

 

“Please, call me Frank.”

 

“First-name-basis it is, then, Frank.”

 

They both sit down again.

 

“I really am very sorry,” her dad says again. “I just don’t have very much experience being introduced to my daughter’s girlfriend.”

 

“That’s okay,” Holtz smiles. “I don’t have much experience being introduced to my girlfriend’s father.”

 

“So, are you-- forgive me if this is intrusive, but do you...I mean...have you had many girlfriends?”

 

“Oh, um. Well, uh...not...not serious ones, no,” she answers.

 

“But have you always been gay?”

 

“ _ Dad!” _

 

“I’m sorry, is that not an okay thing to ask?”

 

“It’s fine. It’s okay,” Holtz laughs. “Um. Yes. Yes, I have been. And I’ve known it for pretty much my whole life.”

 

“I only ask because you,” he gestures towards Erin. “Well, you dated men in the past.”

 

“Yeah, well, Dad, I’m not really...I mean, it’s…”

 

“Erin is what we like to call  _ bisexual,”  _ Holtz supplies. “Meaning that she is attracted to more than one gender.”

 

“Right,” Erin nods.

 

“Oh, I see,” her dad says, actually sounding very interested. “So is this something you’ve known your whole life?”

 

“I don’t know,” she answers. “I mean, no, I… I didn’t realize it for a long time, but then once I finally did, it… Everything made a lot more sense once I did. Because… I’ve always been attracted to women. I just… I didn’t recognize it as attraction. It didn’t even register in my brain as being  _ attraction  _ because I thought I was straight. Because I liked guys. And if I liked guys, then I thought that that meant that I was straight. I never really had to recognize my feelings for what they were. But when I look back, all of the evidence is there. I just wasn’t seeing it at the time. Like all of the movies I liked specifically for certain actresses, or my fascination with my freshman RA -- Stacy Shapiro, still remember her, never understood why I always acted like such an idiot around her until I realized that it was totally a crush… you know, all these little things that seemed like nothing at the time because as far as I knew, I liked guys which meant that everything was fine and that I was normal and I thought that  _ all  _ girls sometimes had those thoughts and feelings about other girls…”

 

“Spoiler alert: they don’t,” Holtz contributes. Erin laughs, shakes her head.

 

“No. They don’t,” she agrees. “It took having feelings that were too strong to deny...for one woman in particular...for me to finally stop denying them.”

 

Erin can see the way that Holtz smiles beside her and she takes her hand in hers beneath the table.

 

“Also…,” Holtz says with a teasing grin. “Stacy  _ Shapiro _ , huh? You  _ do  _ have a type. You like Jewish girls!”

 

“Oh, are you Jewish?” Erin’s dad asks.

 

“Sure am,” she nods.

 

“Hm,” he says, and then he’s silent for a moment. “So...maybe you should call Erin your  _ goy _ lfriend?”

 

Holtz’s mouth drops open and her eyes absolutely light up and she moves her hand, gripping onto Erin’s arm very dramatically.

 

“Erin,” she says softly. “Your dad just made a Jew pun.”

 

“Yes. Yes he did.”

 

“ _ Your dad just made a Jew pun!” _

 

And she’s laughing, loud and gleefully, and both Erin and her dad join in.

 

The rest of the evening goes by without flaw. Holtz laughs at Erin’s dad’s cheesy jokes, and her dad laughs at Holtz’s even cheesier ones. They get along. They get along and her dad is okay with everything and he’s met her  _ serious girlfriend,  _ and she’s relieved and happy and absolutely can’t stop smiling.

 

“I guess I should set myself up on the couch then?” her dad asks once it reaches nighttime.

 

“Oh, no, Dad, I was gonna take the couch. You can sleep in my bed,” she tells him.

 

“Oh, well, I assumed that Jillian would be staying the night?”

 

“You…?”

 

“Erin,” he says. “Toothbrush in the bathroom? All of the shoes and jackets by the door that are definitely not yours? The fact that she was here before us, meaning that she has a key to your apartment? It’s pretty clear that she spends a lot of time here. I’d hate to disrupt whatever sort of arrangement you usually have.”

 

“Really? You don’t...you don’t mind?” she asks.

 

“I don’t mind sleeping on the couch at all,” he smiles.

 

“You know,” Holtz says, pulling the blankets up around them, wrapping her arm around Erin and holding her close once they’re in bed. “For being so observant, I’m surprised he didn’t catch on sooner.”

 

Erin laughs.

 

“I guess he didn’t see the framed picture of us on the wall.”

 

“Or our flags from Pride.”

 

“Or the fact that the bathroom is entirely covered in  _ your  _ hair,”

 

“Maybe we should’ve left the strap-on out. Maybe that would’ve clued him in.”

 

“That’s…” Erin begins.

 

“Did I cross a line?”

 

“You crossed a line.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine. But never ever talk about strap-ons during a conversation involving my father ever again.”

 

“Okay. I won’t.”

 

“Can we go to sleep now?”

 

“Yes. I love you.”

 

“I love you, too. Goodnight.”

 

“Goodnight.”


	14. Supreme Collection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little one for today :)
> 
> **Prompt:** Erin does something for Holtz's birthday.

Truthfully, Erin doesn’t actually know what it is that she’s looking for. She has an idea, but she doesn’t really _know._ And she’s beginning to reconsider this whole thing. She thought that it would be easier than this. She thought that she would walk in, make a decision, and then walk out. And now she’s questioning whether or not this is even a decision that she should be making by herself at all.

 

She looks at her watch. She doesn’t have very much time left. She didn’t want to seem suspicious. So she left work around her usual time, thinking that it would give her plenty of time here to make a decision. But the place is going to be closing soon and she still hasn’t found what she’s looking for -- whatever that might be.

 

But just when she’s close to giving up, thinking that she should just leave and come back some other time, she sees it. She sees it, and then she sees the little information tag, and she knows. She knows that this is it. She knows that she’s found what she’s looking for.

 

*

 

When Holtz walks into the apartment, she smells food. She smells food, hears the soft sound of something jazzy on the record player, and sees her girlfriend sitting on the couch, their little black cat curled up on her lap, and she appears to be in the midst of having a very serious discussion with the cat. She looks up when Holtz comes in, though, smiling at her, and Holtz kicks off her shoes, pulls her jacket off, hanging it up on the hook by the door.

 

“Hi,” she says, walking close to her, stopping just in front of her and leaning down to kiss her quickly, bringing a finger to scratch between Ruth’s ears. “You haven’t been waiting for me long, have you?”

 

“No,” Erin shakes her head. “But there is dinner on the kitchen counter and...I have a surprise for you.”

 

“You _do?!”_ Holtz gasps.

 

“Mmhm,” she nods, smiling.

 

“I would ask what the occasion is, but...I guess I don’t have to.”

 

“Nope. Sorry. You’re never gonna be able to get out of celebrating your birthday ever again.”

 

“I think I’ll survive,” she grins. Erin moves the cat from her lap and she stands up from the couch, directly in front of Holtz.

 

“Do you want your surprise now or after we eat?” she asks.

 

“ _Of course_ I want it now!” she exclaims. “Does it involve you wearing something sexy for me?”

 

“Um. No.”

 

“Well, that’s a lie, because you’re already wearing something sexy,” she says. Erin glances down at herself and then back up at Holtz.

 

“I’m wearing sweatpants and a ratty old t-shirt.”

 

“I know. And it’s _so hot.”_

 

“Okay,” she laughs. “Can you sit? On the couch?”

 

“Are you about to give me a lap dance?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay, fine.”

 

She sits down.

 

“Okay. Um. Close your eyes,” Erin says. Holtz does as she’s told. She hears the sound of footsteps traveling away from her, the sound of a door opening, and then nothing. She sits there waiting with her eyes closed for several long seconds. She cracks a single eye open, but Erin is nowhere to be found.

 

“ _Eriiiin._ Where did you _go?!”_

 

“I’ll be right there!” she shouts from inside the bedroom. “Keep your eyes closed.”

 

She closes both eyes again. And she waits. Finally, she hears footsteps approaching her.

 

“Okay. Um. I’m gonna put something in your lap.”

 

“Okay….”

 

She can feel Erin close to her, and then she feels something soft on her lap. Something soft and _moving._ Her eyes fly open.

 

On her lap is a cat.

 

A calico cat staring up at her with bright green eyes, crouching down, slowly beginning to back itself off of her lap. But Holtz reaches for it, grabs it, picks it up, brings it closer to her. She wants to say something, but she’s in _awe._ She just stares at the cat, her mouth open, her eyes wide, unable to say a word.

 

“I know that you said you wanted a kitten. She’s a year and a half old, so she isn’t really a kitten, but I saw her at the shelter and--”

 

“She’s perfect,” Holtz finally says, holding the cat to her chest, stroking her soft fur. “Erin, she’s _perfect.”_

 

“She already has a name. The shelter named her.”

 

“Well that’s okay,” she says, using an index finger to scratch beneath her chin, feeling the first low rumblings of a purr. “We can always change it.”

 

“If you really want to, yeah,” Erin agrees. “But I think it’s kind of fitting.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Here,” Erin says, holding out a sheet of paper. Holtz stops scratching under her chin and she reaches out to take it from her. She looks down at the adoption certificate from the animal shelter and at the printed name.

 

_Sonia Gilbert-Holtzmann._

 

“Sonia…,” Holtz says out loud. She smiles. “ _Sonia._ Like… like… Sotomayor?!”

 

“Exactly,” Erin grins. “Told you it’s fitting.”

 

“Oh my god. Ruth and Sonia. It’s _so perfect!_ Erin. You know what this means, right?”

 

“We are _not_ adopting two more cats,” she says before Holtz can even say anything.

 

“But!” Holtz objects. “If we have a Ruth and a Sonia, then we _need_ a Sandra and an Elena!”

 

“No,” she shakes her head.

 

“Erin, _come on._ The _Supreme collection.”_

 

“We do _not_ need cats named after every female justice of the Supreme Court, Holtz! We live in a one-bedroom apartment! Be happy with your two cats!”

 

“Okay, fine,” she says, laughing, holding Sonia up in front of her so that they are face-to-face. “Hi, Sonia. I’m your new mommy. And that’s your other mommy, but I guess you’ve already met her. You have a sister, too. Her name is Ruth. She only has three legs, so you might _think_ that you'll have the upper paw, but trust me, she _can_ and _will_ beat you up if you get in her way. Not to make you nervous, of course. She's a very sweet girl. I think you guys will get along really well.”

 

Erin sits down on the couch beside her. Holtz turns and quickly leans over, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

 

“Thank you,” she says. “This is the best surprise in the whole world and you are the best girlfriend in the whole world and I love you so much.”

 

“You’re welcome,” she grins. “Happy birthday, Holtz.”


	15. Spur of the Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Prompt:** Holtz getting injured in the lab or out on a bust and trying to hide it from Erin, but she notices.

Tension hangs in the air all throughout the firehouse. It's silent. Erin sits downstairs, busying herself with post-bust paperwork while pointedly ignoring the way that Abby and Patty keep looking at her. And how they keep looking at each other.

 

The thing is, Erin feels completely justified in the way she's behaving. She doesn't actually think she's overreacting at all. She is not pleased with Holtz right now.  _ Angry  _ is a little bit of an overstatement, because she isn't  _ angry.  _ But she is not pleased. And Holtz is well aware of this. And Erin is well aware that Holtz is well aware.

 

She hasn't seen Holtz in well over two hours, not since they returned. She had skulked up the stairs after Erin had made it very clear just how displeased she was with her.

 

But really. They had  _ talked  _ about this. Erin had  _ already told her  _ how much she didn't like it when she goofed off in dangerous situations. And  _ what if  _ Erin hadn't been there to blast that ghost off of her? If she hadn't noticed that it even had her in its grasp? Those few seconds felt like an eternity as she watched her struggle, as she remembered clearly the way that she looked in that hospital bed the last time she'd been hurt. She fell to the floor -- littered in broken furniture and glass -- and she had smiled up at Erin, almost  _ laughing,  _ calling out a casual thanks, tagging on a ridiculous pet name, but Erin had glared at her.

 

“I hope that hurt,” she growled.

 

Holtz winced visibly. Erin didn't care. 

 

She doesn't think she's overreacting  _ at all. _

 

Except, it's been well over two hours now and she hasn't even  _ seen  _ Holtz since they got back. And it's strange. It's strange because usually, Holtz would be apologizing in about thirty minutes or less. But she hasn't. She hasn't come downstairs to apologize or sit at the corner of Erin’s desk, saying whatever she can to make her smile again. And it's strange.

 

She finally gives in, standing up from her desk, and goes to seek her out herself, willing to admit that maybe,  _ maybe  _ she was being a little too harsh.

 

Except, when she goes upstairs, Holtz is nowhere to be found. She circles the entire area twice, checking inside the small bedroom, even goes up to the roof, looking around for her, but not seeing her at all.

 

She goes back downstairs.

 

“Have either of you seen Holtz?” she asks, not even looking at Abby or Patty but instead, craning her neck to look as far as she can from where she's standing, still not spotting her girlfriend.

 

“Um, no. Isn't she upstairs?” Patty asks.

 

“No. I just went up there. She's not there. I checked the roof, too. Nothing.”

 

“Bathroom, maybe?” Abby suggests.

 

“No. I checked. I tried calling her, too. Twice. She didn't answer.”

 

“Hm. Weird,” Patty shrugs, and then just goes right back to what she's working on. Abby doesn't show much concern either. Erin looks back and forth between them.

 

“You guys,” she says. “Holtz is  _ missing.” _

 

“Erin, she's not  _ missing,”  _ Abby says. “We just don't know where she is.”

 

“Is that… is that  _ not  _ what ‘missing’  _ means?” _

 

“She’ll turn up, baby. She always does,” Patty assures her.

 

“Yeah, but…,” she frowns. This is  _ different.  _ She doesn't quite know how to explain  _ why  _ it's different, though. 

 

“Erin, don't get yourself worked up about it. I'm sure it's nothing. You guys were having an argument. She probably just went to… I don't know, break things or something,” Abby says.

 

“We were not having an  _ argument,”  _ she says. 

 

“Okay, you were in the beginning stages of an argument,” Abby corrects.

 

“ _ No _ ,” Erin says, even though she's right. 

 

“Look, she's probably just--” Patty begins, but she’s interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and then closing. Erin turns, quickly taking the few steps before the door is in view, and Holtz is there, and she looks at Erin with an expression of having been caught doing something wrong. She looks visibly guilty.

 

“Where have you been?!”

 

“Um. Nowhere?” Holtz mumbles, looking away from her.

 

“And does ‘Nowhere’ lack cell signal? Because I called you.”

 

“I'm sorry. I wasn't able to answer.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I was...busy,” she answers, beginning to walk further into the room, passing her. Erin follows.

 

“I was worried about you. This whole time, I thought you were upstairs, and then I go to find you and you're just  _ gone? _ What the hell, Holtz?!”

 

“I'm sorry,” she says, sounding completely genuine, stopping and turning, looking at her again. “I just needed to take care of something.”

 

“What?”

 

“It’s...not important,” she says. Erin narrows her eyes, peering at her suspiciously.

 

“You’re not telling me something,” she says. Holtz doesn’t respond. Erin knows that she won’t lie to her. It’s why all of her answers have been vague and why she’s saying nothing now. She won’t lie to her, so she’s just not giving her any answers at all.

 

“Okay,” Erin says a little coolly. “Okay, fine.”

 

Holtz blinks at her a few times, still doesn’t say anything, and then she turns away. But when she turns, Erins doesn’t miss the way a wince of pain flashes across her face. Quickly. It’s there and gone within barely a second, but she still sees it. 

 

“Holtz,” she says, making her pause once again. 

 

“Erin,” she groans, looking at her, practically pleading with her with her eyes to not make her talk. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“It’s nothing. I promise.”

 

“Where were you?”

 

“Erin, come on.”

 

“Why won’t you just  _ tell me?” _

 

“Because I don’t...I…”

 

Her mind flashes with images of Holtz struggling with the ghost, Holtz falling down onto a pile of sharp, broken things, Holtz walking back to the car with her body slightly twisted, Holtz running into the firehouse before the rest of them, a hand pressed against her side. And the images are so clear, despite Erin barely thinking anything of certain things at the time they were happening. But now they flash through her mind and she stares at Holtz, looks down at where her loose t-shirt hangs from her body. She’d been wearing a crop top earlier in the day. She nearly always put on the same clothes after a bust that she’d been wearing before it. But this isn’t the shirt that she had been wearing before.

 

“Holtz,” Erin says again. “Will you lift up your shirt real quick?”

 

“What?” Holtz laughs, and she glances over to where Abby and Patty are both pretending not to be watching them. “Right here? Erin, that’s...I’m pretty sure that’s against the rules. Right guys? That’s against--”

 

“Leave us out of this,” Patty interjects.

 

“Lift up your shirt.”

 

“Erin….”

 

“Holtzmann.”

 

Finally, Holtz sighs, and she drops her eyes to the floor as she reaches one hand down towards the hem of her t-shirt, grabbing it, lifting it on one side, just past her hip. There’s a bandage. It isn’t very large, but it’s there, and it’s obviously what Holtz was trying to hide. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“It’s not a big deal,” she says. “I just… when I fell, I… a piece of glass, it-- it wasn’t even a big piece of glass, there’s hardly even a rip in my jumpsuit, but it just...it wouldn’t stop bleeding. I guess I probably shouldn’t have pulled it out myself, but I didn’t realize how deep it was. So um. I just...I needed some stitches and it’s...it’s not a big deal.”

 

“You had to get stitches?”

 

“Yeah,” she nods. “That’s where I was.”

 

“And you...you what? Thought that you were going to be able to  _ hide  _ that from me?” she asks. “Holtz, I  _ see you naked.  _ Like,  _ all the time.” _

 

“I know,” she says. “But I figured that you’d still be too mad at me tonight for sex, and maybe tomorrow night, too. And then I could just put a regular ol’ Band-Aid on it and tell you that I hurt myself in the lab or something.”

 

“Why? Why go to all that trouble? Why not just  _ tell me?!” _

 

“‘Cause,” she shrugs. “Remember what happened the last time I got hurt on a bust? You started talking about being cursed and blaming yourself and stuff.”

 

“Yeah, except this time, I know that it was  _ your  _ fault.”

 

“That’s point number two,” she nods. “I knew you’d be even more upset with me if you knew that I actually got hurt.”

 

“Well, yeah!” she agrees. “I mean, we’ve  _ talked about this,  _ Holtz!”

 

“I  _ know.  _ I know. And I’m  _ sorry.” _

 

“Is there a point number three or does it stop at two?” Erin asks. Holtz gives a halfhearted shrug.

 

“Yeah,” she mumbles.

 

“Yeah...there’s a third point? Or yeah, it stops at two?”

 

“Third,” she says.

 

“Can I hear it?”

 

“I knew that once you remembered what you said, you’d probably feel bad again and cycle back to point one,” she says very quickly and very softly, her words all sort of pushed together.

 

“Remembered what I said?” Erin repeats. “What are you talking about? What did I say?”

 

“Well, see, you haven’t remembered it yet,” she says, but the very end of her sentence is cut off by Erin's gasp of realization, and her hand flies to her mouth as she stares at Holtz with wide eyes.

 

“Oh my god. Oh my god. I said that I  _ hoped it hurt.” _

 

“Yep.”

 

“Oh my  _ god.  _ What kind of person  _ says that  _ to their  _ girlfriend?!”  _ she exclaims. 

 

“A person who is mad at said girlfriend for being a dangerous idiot?” Holtz suggests.

 

“Yes, exactly!” she agrees. “But I didn’t actually  _ want  _ you to be hurt!”

 

“I know that, Erin. I know. I know you didn’t  _ mean it.”  _

 

Erin sighs. She takes a step forward, and then a few more until she’s directly in front of Holtz. She reaches towards the hem of her shirt, lifting the one side up to see the bandage again. She frowns.

 

“It’s not bad,” Holtz says. “Pretty small. I only needed a few stitches.”

 

She runs her fingers just along the edges of the bandage.

 

“You’ll have a scar.”

 

“I have a lot of scars.”

 

“I know.”

 

She drops Holtz’s shirt back down and then looks up towards her face.

 

“I need you to be more careful,” she says. She’s calm. She not upset anymore, really. But she’s serious. Holtz nods.

 

“I know.”

 

“A few stitches… okay, fine. But what if…,” she trails off.

 

“Erin.”

 

“What we do is already dangerous. But when you don’t take things seriously, it’s even more dangerous. And Holtz, I can’t…”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“What would I do if you got seriously hurt?” she asks, her voice wavering. “You have to  _ think  _ about these things. You have people who rely on you. We  _ all  _ rely on you. We all  _ need  _ you to be here, unscathed and with all of your body parts attached.”

 

“I mean, if I lost like, a  _ pinky finger--” _

 

“No! No. I need  _ all  _ of your fingers.”

 

“ _ Oh,”  _ Holtz laughs.Erin grimaces.

 

“Oh, god, not like  _ that,  _ you  _ pervert.  _ I’m trying to be serious here!”

 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“The thought of anything bad happening to you scares me. Okay? It scares me,” she says, looking down at Holtz’s hands, hanging at her sides, and she reaches towards one, lets her fingers move over her wrist, not quite grabbing hold, just lingering. “I mean, I get scared every single time I hear a loud noise upstairs. You do things before you think about them sometimes, and most of the time, it’s fine, and other times, there’s a fire, and on the rare occasion, you do manage to hurt yourself. And I just...I can’t even stand the thought that someday, something really, really bad might happen and you could…”

 

“Erin,” she practically whispers.

 

“You know, we  _ need  _ you.  _ We  _ need you. And, and...you have a niece and nephew who absolutely adore you, and  _ they  _ need you. And two cats who need you -- you know that Ruth likes you more than she likes me. I’ve tried everything. She’ll only ever cuddle with me when you’re not around, but the second you’re there, it’s like I don’t even exist. She needs you. Ruth and Sonia both need you. And. And… And I need you. I need you. The thought of you...not being here…,” she shakes her head, and her vision is suddenly blurred by tears that take her by surprise. She doesn’t even realize that they’re coming until they’re there. 

 

“Marry me.”

 

She hears a gasp in the distance. At least, she thinks she does. She stills.

 

“What?” she asks, slowly looking up at her. She heard her.  _ She heard her.  _

 

But Holtz looks just as surprised as Erin feels. Her eyes are wide, her mouth opened, a deer in the headlights.

 

“What?” Erin repeats. But Holtz shakes her head, her expression unchanging.

 

“I didn’t--” she gulps “--didn’t meant to...to…”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m not supposed to do it like this,” she says. “It’s not supposed to happen like this.”

 

“What?”

 

“There’s-- there’s supposed to be...planning, and-- and-- and, some sort of romantic gesture, and-- and a  _ ring.  _ It’s not supposed to be like this. I ruined it. It’s not supposed to be a  _ spur-of-the-moment thing.”  _

 

“Why not?” Erin asks her. 

 

“What?”

 

“Why not?” she asks again, a smile spreading over her face. 

 

“What?” Holtz says again, looking at her, looking utterly confused, and Erin just keeps smiling. She can’t even help it. 

 

“Why shouldn’t it be a spur-of-the-moment thing?”

 

“Because. Because. That’s not… that’s not how….”

 

“Holtz,” she says. “Think about it. Think about  _ us.  _ Our  _ entire relationship.  _ How did we first get together?”

 

“What?”

 

“Unplanned,” Erin answers for her. “Spur of the moment. When we decided to make this an official relationship?”

 

“After Pride,” Holtz mumbles. “Spur of the moment.”

 

“The first time we said ‘I love you’?”

 

“Spur of the moment,” she smiles. “After deciding to get tacos for dinner.”

 

“When I asked you to move in with me?”

 

“Over sandwiches. After a call from my landlord. Spur of the moment.”

 

“Getting our first cat?”

 

“Spur of the moment,” she says softly.

 

“Spur of the moment,” Erin nods. “That’s how we’ve done almost every single important milestone in our relationship. Don’t you think that maybe it’s fitting that it’s how we decide to spend the rest of our lives together?”

 

Holtz simply stares at her. Doesn’t say anything. Hardly even moves. Just stares, her eyes shining and her breaths shaky. Erin places her hands on either side of her face, fingers moving softly against her cheeks as she looks at her, looks at the woman she has fallen so hopelessly in love with, thinks about every moment she’s spent with her, every moment she still wants to spend with her, and she takes a breath.

 

“Maybe this isn’t how you want to do it,” she says. “But that’s too bad because I’m taking it out of your hands.”

 

She doesn’t object. She only smiles, and Erin can see the tears building up, threatening to spill over. Her heart pounds in her chest. But she feels calm. Like she knows that this is right. That she was meant to do what she’s about to do. 

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

Holtz doesn’t hesitate. She nods immediately. Nods, her smile growing even wider, one tear finally falling over, rolling slowly down her cheek.

 

“Yes,” she says. “Yes. Yes.  _ Fuck yes.”  _

 

And she kisses her.

 

Everything stops. For a second, maybe two, the entire world stops. But then there’s a yell and a clap and they pull away from each other, turning, and Abby and Patty are there, have been there the entire time, and they’re both grinning, and Abby’s wiping at her eyes, and Erin laughs. She laughs, and Holtz wraps her arms around her, holds her close.

 

“I know we probably should have like, left the room and gave you guys some privacy, but we didn’t,” Abby says. “We didn’t, and I’m not even a little bit sorry about it.”

 

“Can we come over there and hug you guys?!” Patty asks. Holtz nods, still holding onto Erin. And then Abby and Patty are hugging them both and Erin is surrounded, hugs coming from all sides, and she laughs, can’t stop laughing, can’t stop smiling, and she doesn’t think she’s ever been this happy.

 

“Ouch, hey, guys, I um...kind of just got stitches in my body and there’s a lot of squeezing going on and...it’s a little excruciating,” Holtz says, and they all back up at once, giving her space.

 

“Oh!” Holtz suddenly shouts. “I call Patty as my maid of honor!”

 

“Hell yeah, you do!” Patty replies, equally enthusiastic.

 

“Well, okay. I’m more than happy to have Abby as mine,” Erin says, reaching for Abby, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

 

“And I’m more than happy to be yours,” Abby tells her, then looks at Holtz. “But uh, awfully quick to pass right over me there. Friends for years, aren’t we? Your first real friend, wasn’t I? Just gonna...jump right over me?”

 

“Oh, Abby, it’s nothing personal,” Holtz says. “You know how important you are to me. It’s just that I know that Patty will throw the  _ best  _ bachelorette party.”

 

“Damn right, baby!” Patty yells, holding her hand up, and Holtz high-fives her. Abby frowns.

 

“She has a point.”

 

“Oh my god, y’all are getting  _ married!”  _ Patty laughs loudly, clapping her hands together. 

 

“Yeah,” Erin smiles. “Yeah, we are.”

 

She looks at Holtz. Holtz is already looking at her. 

 

“We’re getting married,” Holtz says softly. 

 

“Maybe we should give you guys some time alone,” Abby says. “I was thinking of heading out a little early anyways. Patty? How about you?”

 

“Yeah, definitely,” she nods. “I can tell already that these two are  _ not  _ gonna wait until they get home to start climbing all over each other.”

 

“Patty,” Holtz snorts. “We  _ know  _ the rules.”

 

“You just got  _ engaged _ . Damn the rules!” she says.

 

“Just not on any desks!” Abby adds.

 

They’re barely out the door before Holtz is pulling Erin up the stairs. But they stop. Right in the middle of the staircase. And Holtz turns, looks at her, smiles. She doesn’t even say anything. Doesn’t need to. 

 

And Erin kisses her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys have any idea how many times I was sent a proposal prompt? SO MANY. AND I FUCKING LOVED IT. Some of them specifically asked for Erin to propose. Some of them specifically asked for Holtz to propose. Luckily, I've always knows that it would play out like this, so...hopefully both sides will be happy?
> 
> And I guess now would be a good time to mention that I am working on a Bits & Pieces wedding fic and that you should keep an eye out for that. I'll probably be posting it some time within the next week or so! It's going to be quite long (currently at 13k and still not done...) and a total fluff-fest! I'm really excited to be able to share it and I hope you'll be excited to read it!!


End file.
